Language is a world of attitudes, behaviours, forms of expression, barriers and ingrained invisible prejudices that are rarely questioned. Now substitute the word sexuality, for language, in the previous sentence. Oddly, I could substitute many words for language at the start of that sentence and it would make sense. Disability / age / finance / caste / class / race / occupation / motherhood / parenting / adoption / romance / education is a world of attitudes, behaviours, expression, barriers and ingrained invisible prejudices rarely questioned. I think this is because we are human. Attitudes, barriers and ingrained invisible prejudices rarely questioned. Oops, that’s us! But we are also magnificent beings, writers, artists, scientists and communicators, speaking more languages across cultures than any of us knows of without a google search. I googled. 7159 according to Ethnologue. Some of us, like real Dr. Doolittles, are even learning the languages of animals. Plants communicate too.
A Non-verbal Universe of Language
Recently, three New Zealand MPs who performed haka in parliament protesting a Bill that would harm Maori rights, were suspended. A statement released by the Maori party said, “When tangata whenua [people of the land] resist, colonial powers reach for maximum penalty.” Resistance has its own language and by itself, a language can be used as a display and expression of resistance. Why am I bringing parliament and politics into this theme? Because both have historically engaged with human sexuality and continue to do so, across languages and societies. On a relevant aside, did you know, “Sex between men and women was celebrated in traditional haka, waiata and chants. Some also referred to homosexual love.” Not everyone responds respectfully to any of this, yes we know that. Andrew Tate, known for what has been described as “sexist drivel”, tweeted “The haka is gay” attempting to insult, reduce and dismiss an entire language, a form of expression, people and their culture. To this tweet, a reported response came in from a person who said, “It’s alright when it’s a performance of men only. The second a woman is invited, it totally loses its intimidation factor.” Many aspects of attitude and behaviour are revealed in this response, all up for reflection. They include exclusion of any but the binary, gender stereotyping, the purpose of language and diversity of culture and expression, the value of intimidation, and etc.
Language is many elements that include who is allowed the use of which form of it, where, and for what purpose. Language is integral to who we are, how we function, our beliefs, power equations, desires expressed or not, the experiences we dare have or don’t. It is more than English, Telegu, Swahili and multi-lingual translations of literary works. What it means to me and what it means to he and to they are no longer a simple flip from Hello to Namaste. I’m not even going to the Sumerian script, I said to myself, and then I did. I read here:
Any given pictograph might mean several different things. “Mountain”—a right-side-up pyramid formed by three convex half circles—also meant “foreign lands,” for Sumer was completely flat. Consequently the same character also signified “conquest.” Shown together with the symbol for “woman,” a downward-pointing triangle with a notch at the bottom tip, the two symbols meant a woman captured from far away: “slave-woman.”
Comments anyone?
Since we began with haka and now spoke of pictographs, it should be asked, is art a language? Yes, art is a language. Read here how “Art is a universal language that transcends boundaries, cultures, and time. It serves as a means of communication, allowing artists to convey thoughts, emotions, and ideas to an audience that might not share their native tongue.” And it’s a language meant for everyone, not just those to whom we apply the label, artist. What about dance? The writer of this article says it very simply, “Dancers are storytellers who share their stories with their bodies.”
Basics and Beyond! (Borrowing from TARSHI)
For those with their feet planted firmly on daily, familiar ground, here is an approach to understanding what is meant by language. There’s always a narrow way of looking at things, and then there’s the wanderer’s way. Take your pick. Some MIT researchers asked, What is language for? This article describes the way they took the theme forward, and says, “We use language to share information and exchange ideas — but is it more than that? Do we use language not just to communicate, but to think?” Apparently not, according to these researchers who say that language “is primarily a tool for communication.”
Is this the whole story of language?
It is possible that the ideas and concepts associated with words in any language are part of the way our thinking, the thinking of entire generations, is shaped. As the writer of this article says, “language has a profound impact on our thought patterns and behaviors. Numerous studies have shown that language can influence how we categorize objects, how we process information, and how we make decisions.” I found a whole bunch of definitions here, but the bottom line is that, “language is a tool of communication, language is a complex rule-governed system of discrete segments, language is a meaning-making entity, language is an expression of identity and language is a representation of thought.”
Language and Sexuality Intertwine
At TARSHI, as in many other social ecosystems, the language of water cooler chats between colleagues has made its way into virtual, read WhatsApp, shares. Here’s something that was shared recently with me. It’s a podcast episode titled Words They Don’t Want You to Say: The Psychology of Linguistic Oppression, and I quote from the description, “The episode underscores the importance of maintaining truthful and inclusive language as a means of resistance and psychological healing.” What is the language, across languages, that we associate with sexuality? Is it healing? Empowering? Does this language comfort and console? Does it lift you up and make you feel good about who you are? Language across all of life’s spaces is way more than alphabet or pictographs and production of sound. Somewhere in the podcast, I was struck by this, “Think about how many revolutions began with naming something that wasn’t supposed to be named. The concept of sexual harassment didn’t exist as a legal term until the 70’s.” … “Once it was named it could be fought. Once it was articulated, change became possible.”
Speaking of change, did you ever watch the show Grace & Frankie? It ran from 2015 to 2022. The tagline I’d use to describe the show is: Two women in their 70’s become friends post separation from their husbands who are in love with each other. In this tagline there are so many things that may sound, feel, incorrect to some. Two women in their 70’s separate from their husbands. Husbands in love with each other. What? Immediately there’s a language, and this language is different and sounds different to different people – a language to marriage, to age, to implicit assumptions about whether it is ok to separate, to separate at the age of 70, husbands falling in love – we assume that’s two men, who may also be around the same age as the women, if not older – love in your 70’s, relationships between women, between men, between men and women. You want to add something I missed?
Yes, I missed the importance of gender inclusive language, because we are so often hemmed in by stereotypes and the gender binary, we, me included, sometimes forget identity is intricate and the limited language of a binary does not do justice to this. We are, between all of us, as well as within each of us, so much more than the this or that of the prescriptions of male or female. As quoted in this article, gender and sexuality educator Suzannah Weiss explains, “The gender binary also rears its dirty head anytime someone assumes someone’s (gender) pronouns based on how they look, anytime groups of people are addressed by monikers like “ladies and gentlemen,” and anytime groups are divided based on whether they’re women or men.” I would always suggest, when you do not know, and there is a diverse group to address, keep it simple – people. I strongly recommend respecting pronouns when someone specifies them, in conversation, in emails, whatever the language and mode of communication. And it’s okay to have apologies handy if you get it wrong and are corrected. That happens too. I confess that I mix up names, because I forget them. I’m not one of a kind. A name is such a primary identity marker, I keep apologies ready. Many people do this all the time. Pronouns fall in the same category. Respect. Across languages, we need respect. As the author of this article says, “In India, the conversation around pronouns is further complicated by cultural and historical contexts. Traditionally, many Indian languages, such as Bengali, have always had gender-neutral pronouns. However, this linguistic neutrality does not automatically translate to a more inclusive culture.”
They Intertwine Everywhere!
Since the subject of language and sexuality, includes many themes such as gender, war, culture and perhaps some rebellion, let’s wander through a few other ecosystems at the core of human society, like finance, law, education, occupation and health. It’s time to take a look at what language circulates in these spaces, or to put this differently, how language is used to perpetuate sexual discrimination or changed and rewritten to support inclusion and respect each other.
Sexuality, sex and money are, yes arguably, hot topics in life. The writer of this blog article says, “The language of finance is decidedly masculine. It was created and developed by men, centuries ago when the industry was entirely male dominated, so they could sell financial products to other men. It was created to fit the way men think about money and the emotional needs fulfilled by money – status, ego, competition, power, freedom.” I’d ask, the language of finance, were it extended beyond this particular approach, what would it be? What are the life needs and emotional needs of those who do not identify as men, and is there a language of finance that needs to evolve accordingly? Evolve, it certainly must, as one can read in in this article: “Our financial sexism is clear – just open any newspaper or magazine. Women “splurge” their cash and are assaulted with articles advising them to “reign in” their spending, while men are shown money as a status driver and are encouraged to “impress” others by “playing the game” and seizing “market opportunities”.” And the writer says it all with this, “These sexist stereotypes play on a myth which goes back centuries, that women are “frivolous” while men are “rational”.” Then there’s more at Buzzfeed in 20 Wildly Sexist Things That People Have Been Told About Money And Their Careers such as:
“Have you ever noticed how women’s magazines talk about money in terms of budgeting, saving, and shopping, while men’s magazines talk about investing and building wealth?”
“Told my dad that I was going to study English and photography at university, and he insisted that I do law instead (yeah, I’m Indian). When asked why he replied, ‘Photography isn’t a real career for a girl, and being a teacher is long hours and a lot of commitment, which is too stressful for a girl.’”
“I constantly hear, ‘You should spend more, that’s a woman’s thing, and then when you marry you can learn how to spend your husband’s money.’”
Taking a couple of steps to the side, we were all children before we grew up into or out of the stereotypes presented to us, across languages. So lets ask, what do our children learn and from where? This answer is hotly debated. School and textbooks always feature. Textbooks are sexist, and yes that’s no secret. Along with words, all the weight of socio-cultural norms and discriminatory attitudes find their way into perpetuity as children learn in what ought to be a safe space for all – school. As reported in this 2024 article, a study “which examined 466 textbooks from 10 Indian states as well as 60 NCERT textbooks,” found that “male-gendered words and stereotypes dominated the narrative,” and “mothers were frequently associated with domestic duties like cooking, while professions such as doctors were consistently depicted as male.” Now, from 2025, CBSE has mandated that children from pre-primary to Grade 5 must be taught in the mother tongue as the primary language. There are many debates around the pros and cons of this, but what we’d like to add here is a thought about who is scanning these languages for what children are taught, or are learning, of comprehensive sexuality education, or about gender roles, inclusion, emotions, relationships, stereotypes etc. in the actual vocabulary and culture associated with the traditions of any mother tongue. This is a big one, just a starting point for reflection. Is anyone looking at this?
While we’re looking at teaching children, Delhi University has begun a new elective course, the idea very laudable. It’s called, ‘Negotiating Intimate Relationships’ and it starts this year, aiming to teach young people “what real, respectful, and safe relationships look like.” I remember when I was at DU in the previous century, violence (referring specifically to some that was ‘justified’ by love and breakups) was accepted as an environmental element. I am happy that in the 25th year of this century, efforts are on to change some of this, even though it is through an elective course in a for-those-who-elect-to-learn-about-this kind of way. I’m curious about the language and content of this course. Is it binary, is it inclusive, does it engage with all relationships, queer, heteronormative, and unlabelled too? Who’s going to teach this course? Has anyone checked in on their biases? Does anyone know?
Back to the Buzzfeed article referred to earlier. One of the respondents spoke of how their dad insisted they study law, so how about language, sexism, and law as an occupation? This 2023 article discusses a letter written by senior lawyer Indira Jaisingh to the then CJI, D.Y. Chandrachud, commending the ‘Handbook on Combating Gender Stereotypes,’ published by the Supreme Court to change stereotypes in legal discourse and introduce acceptable language. In the letter, as quoted in the article, she “cited examples such as ‘harlot’, ‘slut’, and ‘keep’ that ought to be eliminated from court proceedings.” Based on her personal experiences she also described, “I get told by my male colleagues ‘Don’t raise your voice in court’. I have, on a previous occasion, indicated that pejorative expressions such as ‘she is aggressive’ are used in relation to women and never in relation to men. When it comes to ‘aggression’, I could provide you with several examples of male lawyers who are loud and aggressive in court, but they are considered India’s top lawyers. What could be a better example of gender stereotyping?”
In the whirlwind of AI, Large Language Models (LLMs) and social media, the language of content and expressed attitudes is now available at less than the touch of a button, using perhaps a swipe or a voice command on a cell phone. So, a quick question. Do learning machines adopt, or question, perhaps even change the stereotype? Will they pick up a Supreme Court judgment, a letter from a senior lawyer, an article written by a queer rights activist or an advocate of inclusion and think things through? “Every day more and more people are using Large Language Models in their work, their studies and at home. These new AI applications have the power to subtly shape the perceptions of millions of people, so even small gender biases in their content can significantly amplify inequalities in the real world,” says Director General UNESCO, Audrey Azoulay. This article explains it clearly, “The language ‘engines’ that power generative artificial intelligence (AI) are plagued by a wide range of issues that can hurt society, most notably through the spread of misinformation and discriminatory content, including racist and sexist stereotypes. In large part these failings of popular AI systems, such as ChatGPT, are due to shortcomings with the language databases upon which they are trained.” It appears that – as with all things recent, in particular technology – the links to society, social justice and rights still require conscious, aware attention. This becomes more than what is generally in the scope of funding and investments into AI and LLMs. So you can put a truck load of money into it but social justice and inclusion may not automatically become positive consequences. In fact, if aware thought does not accompany the money, injustices may expand.
Back to the dad from Buzzfeed. Reconsidering the option of lawyer as an occupation for his daughter, he may suggest medicine. The doctor route perhaps. Healing people. Raking in the loot. People touching your feet as you walk around, stethoscope around your neck. Good job. I’m glad we live now and not 2300 years ago because I read here that “In the third century BCE, the philosopher Aristotle described the female body as the inverse of the male body, with its genitalia “turn’d outside in”. Women were marked by their anatomical difference from men and medically defined as faulty, defective, deficient.” This doesn’t happen in medical colleges today. Instead, as I read in this 2024 article, this happens: “fresh entrants in several medical colleges are being forced by seniors to memorise and read aloud from booklets filled with vulgar abuses, lauding sexual violence against women in general and their female classmates and nurses in particular, in the name of ragging. The booklet teaches freshers to look at women of all ages as sex objects. For instance, in the list of abbreviations there is one on little girls, BHMB – badi hokar maal banegi….” badi hokar maal banegi may be loosely, and politely, translated as ‘she’ll grow up to be a hot item.’ Now here’s the thing – this language, whether Hindi or English, is the language of rape culture, abuse, dismissiveness, indignity, disempowerment, and all the shit we’ve accumulated over not centuries, but millennia. In this powerfully written, clearly understood and presented article, the writer says, “Our languages are rapists’ collaborators.”
Let’s teach our children to be newly minted, respectful, compassionate humans, and let’s begin with language and sexuality. As the writer of this article says, “Inclusive language can reshape attitudes. While many Indian languages do have gender-neutral pronouns, the challenge lies in shifting entrenched social norms.” Giving an example of how this can be done, the author explains, “We can also flip the narrative through the education system by presenting household chores as gender-neutral. Recently, Kerala introduced gender-neutral images in school textbooks to promote equality. These images challenge traditional gender roles and stereotypes by showing male figures working in the kitchen.”
Yes. Bring it in, make it close to home. Become a doctor, become a lawyer, be who you are, be cool, be kind, stand up and speak the truth, collectively. As a society. Choose a new direction daughter. Son. Queer. Non-binary. Unlabelled. Free. Use your words with care and respect, understand the language of attitude behind the word. Say girl. “She’s a girl.” Say it respectfully. Now say queer. “They identify as queer.” Say it. Look for respectful words and phrases across languages you know. Try it out till it feels as easy as saying, “She’s a management trainee.” It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay.
Cover image by Eslam Mohammed Abdelmaksoud on Unsplash
