Fantasy is make-believe. We make something up and then we believe it in order to make it exist. However, in some contexts, the make-believe is relegated to the realm of mere ‘play’ (as opposed to the ‘real’), but there’s no denying that make-believing is a crux of human civilisation – children naturally play make-believe games that steer them in their growth, adults use the hypothetical in their thought to make everyday decisions, and both children and adults rely on fantastical stories and myths to construct a common meaning that contributes to creating the world as we know it.
Even in these times when sexuality is talked about more than ever before, even as we are beginning to talk about sexual pleasure and not just violations, acknowledging our fantasies isn’t easy, particularly if they are of the kind that seem to defy our politics.
Eudaimonia, ever the kind soul, made every effort to befriend her cousins who initially treated her as a pest. Maybe it was out of spite for the love Eudaimonia received from the elders in the house and that too which she often left in her wake, but before long her cousins turned their attention to her in ways so cruel, the light in Eudaimonia’s eyes began to wane and it would be a very long time before it shone through them again.
मैं एक लेखिका हूँ । बीडीएसएम (BDSM) के बारे में लिखती हूँ । एक दशक से ज़्यादा हो गया मुझे …
जो वर्जित है उससे मन ही मन सोचकर ख़ुशी पाने के अलावा, यौन कल्पनाएँ हमें सुरक्षित रूप से खोज करने का और बिना किसी प्रतिबद्धता के, बिना किसी परिणाम की चिंता के, विभिन्न तरीकों से रहने और उनका आनंद लेने का मौका देती हैं। यह कुछ-कुछ ऐसा है जैसे हम बिना खाना बनाने की झंझट के, या बर्तन साफ़ करने या अपच और वज़न बढ़ने की चिंता के भी अपने मन की चीज़ खाने का मज़ा ले सकते है।
Sexual fantasies allow us to conjure up worlds that we want to play with, but in reality, we may not really want. A fantasy is different from a wish. So people may have sexual fantasies about things that they may never act out – like having sex in front of a multitude of onlookers, or with a zebra, or a famous film star or the neighbour next door. And it’s all safe.
The dream soon turned into an obsession, fuelled by my kind and supportive father who would’ve done the same for me no matter what I had decided to obsess over. Before I knew it, my whole life revolved around cricket. I had a room full of posters of men who played cricket, and a brain full of cricket facts and trivia. The posters covered every inch of my room. I remember picking up new ones every other week from the street-side sellers of Connaught Place in Delhi, and found one with every new issue of The Hindu’s sports magazine called Sports Star.
Ute Pauline Wiemer, along with her partner Balaji, founded Lovetreats in Bangalore in 2015. Lovetreats is an online retail space and discussion forum for people to buy intimate sexual wellness and health products as well as exchange ideas and learn about topics such as sexuality and intimacy.
The general attitude towards sexual fantasy, and the reflection of such fantasies in popular imagery, erotica and erotic porn is constructed on assumptions of ableism. There are other fantasies though, that reflect or are born of the sexuality of their creators and consumers, persons who do not fit into the accepted age, body or sexual identity.
No fantasy is wrong. Or sick. Or immoral. Just like good intentions are worthless unless they lead to fruitful actions, wicked fantasies aren’t wrong or sick unless they lead to wicked acts. And no, they don’t have to. That is the point of kink.
मेरी कल्पना में… मैं उड़ती नहीं …
मगर तोड़ी हैं बेड़ियाँ उन कल्पनाओं के पीछे…
देखें हैं सपने जिन्हें बुना था मैंने अपनी कल्पनाओं में,
क्यूंकि नींद तो खेल रही थी दूर कहीं मेरे बचपन के साथ
और उठाए थे कदम मेरी सच्चाई पर पड़े हिजाब उतारने के लिए…