A Certain Type of Life
since the age of 16
I idealised a certain type of life
involving certain type of women
who loved women
they were the kind of people
who looked perfectly content
stooped over a book and their lover
in a park on a beautiful Sunday morning
the kind of people who held hands in queues
the kind of people who’d meet each other’s gaze from across the room
the kind of people who’d casually waltz on the street during their pit stop on a road trip
the kind of people who loved fearlessly
I wondered what stood between my life and their life
and it’d hit me like a storm
these were women in the First World,
on the Internet
and I was a girl in the Third World
who was still in the closet.
She grew up fighting battles she didn’t choose
she grew up trying to stand on her feet again
she grew up trying to breathe above
all the stereotypes being thrown at her
pushing her into boxes,
Boxes labelled ‘tom boy’ or ‘lesbian’
No, she didn’t conform to society’s idea of femininity
yes, she chose to dress comfortably
yes, she kicked ass in football.
no, she didn’t like wearing too much makeup
but she was more than these labels.
She was meant to fly with her mighty wings
not alter her identity to fit in a box.
She dreamt of free-falling from mid-air
her wings swaying freely behind her.
She knew this was how she was supposed to feel: free.
She tried to chase this feeling
with college dudes and childhood buds
she tried to abide by heteronormativity
for her folks’ sake
thinking maybe she could mould herself into someone socially acceptable.
For years it worked
yet, she felt less and less authentic every day.
She built courage and strength through
self-defense art forms and giving back to the community
she learnt to be grateful for the path on which she truly belongs.
Here she is, rejecting every label, embracing her freedom
moulding herself like she is born again!
why are all lesbian movies the same?
they always start with the very different lives of two women
most likely a femme and a butch
and how they’re stuck in a state of oblivion
and how suddenly, their paths collide
bringing awareness to the existence
of sexual tension between them
which might be the result of a
straight girl’s curiosity to experiment
or perhaps a genuine connection
predictably building up to a steamy lovemaking scene,
pandering to the male gaze
and then there’s the inseparability,
a beautiful magnetism between them
until shit hits the fan and the
glass ceiling comes crashing down
in the form of parents, teachers, friends,
or heteronormativity in general
knocks on the door
somehow, they must drift apart
somehow, one of them passes away
somehow, they simply can’t be together.
for once I would like to see
two women riding off into the sunset
two women getting married
two women 50 years into the future
still together, still happy, still in love
lesbian movie endings make me wonder
if they even want us to have a happy ending
Excuse me while I shun your heteronormativity
I’m tired of consuming content consciously
written by the straights
performed by the straights
created for the straights
from fairy tales to cheesy rom-coms.
Can we acknowledge that it’s time to feed the queers?
Excuse me while I listen selectively
to my straight friends ranting about their boyfriends
because all my soul seeks is something that makes me feel seen
and someone who makes me feel heard.
Cue the queer renaissance.
Cover Image: Pixabay