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CategoriesInnovations and SexualityThe I Column

Do we dare?

Exploring sexuality is innovative in itself. What does that mean? Well at the outset, the very fact that we are willing to explore our bodies, their sexual expression, their ability to experience pleasure in so many different ways, and that we go beyond social norms is groundbreaking in itself. It’s innovative for multiple reasons. To begin with, one needs to figure out what one wants to try, to find a space in the crowded confines some of share with our joint families, to be able to masturbate without the family discovering that we are doing so, to stay quiet and still have an  orgasm, and so on.

Then comes the next level of innovation – finding compatible partners. From parties, get-togethers, casual friendly introductions, to online dating apps, no matter what methods one opts for, there’s always some other innovative way to meet people.

Once you have found someone who is interesting, as well as interested enough, one needs to figure out communication. Consent, negotiation, boundaries, all of this get pushed, more so when one delves into stuff beyond regular vanilla sex. Consider BDSM, safety becomes important. Consider LGBTQIA+ lives, discretion becomes important. Consider polyamory, figuring out an innovative approach to ethics and emotions becomes crucial. And then there are some really edgy sexually-nuanced lifestyles like sugar dating, travel dating etc.

The question isn’t whether we have options for innovations.  The question is – do we dare? What is innovation, really? When you read the The Innovator’s DNA by world-famous innovation experts Jeff Dyer, Hal Gregerson and Clayton Christensen, you realize that innovative people have an ability to collect ideas, connect them together, create prototypes, test them and then replicate them successfully. Perhaps you’re wondering why I am talking about this  in connection with sexuality. Well, let me elaborate. I am talking about people’s experiences with work, education, family, society, spirituality, cooking, BDSM, sport, polyamory, music, and many other fields, and their ability to put them together, connect the dots and create their own unique personalised flavour of sexuality. All people do this, in their own unique ways.

Think about something a lot of people do – use vegetables and fruit for sensual and sexual pleasure. Something else a lot of people do – use scarves, ties, etc. for bondage, use a kitchen spatula for spanking, a feather duster for tickling, and many other such experiments with their partner(s). If not lateral thinking, what else is innovation in regards to sexuality? Of course, there is also the option to devise new ways of masturbating, using technology, remote-controlled app-operated sex toys etc. There’s technology which is transforming people’s ability to experience sex differently. Think of basic sex toy innovations like double-ended dildos for women who want to experience / experiment on sexuality with other women. And, then there are sex dolls, sex robots, and upcoming augmented-reality experiences. 

There’s also innovation in terms of  dating apps and social media platforms  which connect people with specific sexual desires, folks from the queer spectrum, folks with disabilities, people from all age-groups, kink and fetish lovers, and much else. All these innovative platforms, I’ve tried, tested and felt thrilled about. I have also made sex toys or sex aids or pleasure-enhancers, call them what you will, at home. I have created floggers with leather, with shoe-laces, with draw-strings. I’ve created shoe-string thongs to be worn under innerwear for constant arousal and power-play (as a reminder of my position as a submissive, and as a tool for constant tease-and-denial). I’ve designed and created costume jewellery to function as symbolic collars or reminders of my D/s dynamic with my partner(s).

So, what’s the point? Well, the point is simple – pleasure is as much a subject of an innovative mindset as anything else. Pleasure, whether as a product to commoditise, pleasure as commercially produced porn, pleasure as an intimate experience between partners, is all subject to innovation.

The mindset is what one needs to expand. Can you play with the ambience, the combination of music, fragrance, food, sensation, smell, sound, and more, to enhance your experience? Can you bring alive new ways of connecting with your partner(s) and yourself? If yes, your sex life will always be exciting, spicy. If you use your imagination, you can innovate with simple household items ­ – some candles,  scent, ribbons, ice, household utensils, food, cloth of different textures, sounds, well, just about anything! Welcome to the world of innovative sexuality, if only you dare! And, by the way, what about flipping it all around, and trying a non-sexual deep-pressure back or foot or neck massage and seeing where that gets you…

Cover Image: Pixabay

Article written by:

Asmi is an active BDSM practitioner, lifestyle coach based in India, a writer and a vocal, empowering person, who experiments actively with BDSM, feminism, LGBT, sexuality and erotica. She is very active in several real-world BDSM communities and has close connections with a wide spectrum of other practitioners both in India and globally. She has authored a series of 3 books about various aspects of BDSM, available on kindle. She can be reached on Facebook or via email at: asmi.uniqus@gmail.com

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