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CategoriesSinglehood and SexualityVoices

Poem

A debauchee’s ode to self-love

 

All I have known of loving men is emotional labour

And by that, I mean back-breaking, soul-sucking toil

Oh, the relief of carrying nothing but yourself

Oh, the relief of taking nothing but pleasure from their sex

So, I put on my scarlet negligee under my ‘third-date’ dress 

That hugs my ass and rides up my thighs, and slide on 

A miniscule thong and my reddest, wettest lipstick for him

To eat off my face like dessert when I meet him at midnight

We’ve only just been shooting words so far, and yet

You can hear the pistons firing from a mile away

There’s no shame; even a brief, sweaty glow of coital elation

What he lacks in girth, he makes up for in hunger and 

With his fingers and tongue and all that phenomenal foreplay

Even after all this is over, there is no sense of either longing or loss

(Bonus: I’ve always wanted to fuck to David Gilmour’s solo 

You know, the transcendental one at the end of High Hopes?)

All the while, I keep myself safe; there is no danger of love 

(No, don’t correct me; it’s a veritable fucking danger) 

But humans are creatures of habit; so, if we are doing this

It must be punctuated – by time or space or both 

Or the new old(er) guy who needs to tell me I’m a goddess 

Although I’m already wrapped around his hip and wondering 

How not to roll my eyes; instead, I roll away after I’ve had my fill

Leave the bed tousled and unmade and strut back the way I came 

The night air, cold and crisp, embraces me once again

(Just as he did behind the surreptitiously-held-open door)

Alone again, a giggle escapes from my lips, waking the watchman

The jubilation of knowing that I’m my own and no one else’s

Deliberately marching only to the sounds of my mind’s voice 

Heck…everything else is noise, everything else is noise 

Cover Photo: Pixabay

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Article written by:

Malini Gopalakrishnan is a feminist, a lover of words, a poet, a single parent, and a student of life.

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