This article is an attempt to understand the intimacies, trust, and related pain that arise in digital relationships.
Through real cases received by Meri Trustline it shows how consent, boundaries and safety can be gradually eroded in online spaces. This article attempts to view digital abuse not merely as a technical or legal issue, but as an emotional and social experience. Alongside this, it shows that help begins not with reporting but with being fully heard.
Meri Trustline is a support helpline where people can reach out to seek support for instances of digital violence, online exploitation, threats, blackmail, misuse of intimate imagery/videos, cyber stalking, and harm in digital relationships.
The digital world has now become an essential part of our modern life. It is where relationships are formed, communication takes place, and new ways of learning and expressing ourselves emerge. However, it is in this same digital space that new forms of insecurity, harassment and fraud are emerging. Over the past three years, Meri Trustline has been working to support victims of online exploitation, digital violence and networked hate.
The calls received by Meri Trustline are not just technical complaints; they are the voices of people’s fear, anxiety, shame and rage, and sometimes, broken trust. In the past three years since Meri Trustline’s inception, more than 2000 people have reached out to us. Most people communicated directly through phone calls, while many others used WhatsApp and email. On WhatsApp as well, responses are exclusively handled by our in-house counselling team, no chatbot is involved. This is our speciality – we ensure that every conversation is person to person.
Concrete assistance has been rendered in more than 500 cases registered on the Trustline. This has included escalating reports on platforms according to the client’s needs, reporting fake accounts and links and ensuring the takedown of objectionable content. Alongside this callers were provided with step-by-step technical guidance to protect themselves, such as securing privacy settings, preserving evidence, ensuring strong password protection, and lodging complaint reports correctly. Wherever required, counselling, guidance, Psychological First Aid (PFA), and, if necessary, long-term emotional support were provided. In some cases, appropriate referrals were arranged, and support given to connect individuals with social support systems so that they did not feel alone.
The number of women and adolescent girls among the callers was significantly higher. Misuse of images posted online, morphed imagery, attempts at damaging reputation through fake accounts, blackmail and attempts at coercion using private imagery were the main concerns reported by them. Many girls said that they were initially told to “stay quiet” and “ignore it”, but they eventually decided to seek assistance.
The number of male callers was low in comparison to women but men and underage boys also faced issues. These mainly involved sextortion, financial fraud, hacked social media accounts, and misuse of digital identity. Sextortion, in particular, was a major concern. Some callers did not share their gender identity which reveals that digital violence is deeply personal and shame-based. Many callers from the LGBTQ+ community reached out as well, reporting harassment and blackmail through dating apps.
Age-wise, adolescents and young adults in the age range of 15 to 25 are the most affected by online abuse. School and college students tend to be far more active on social media and also tend to trust others far more easily. Grooming them in the guise of friendship, requesting personal images and then using these for blackmail, is a pattern repeatedly observed. Threatening them with the viral distribution of their personal images and messages is also a serious problem that has emerged.
It has also become increasingly clear that digital risks are not limited to young individuals. Middle-aged adults and senior citizens have also contacted the helpline, primarily reporting financial fraud, online scams and sextortion. In some cases, children’s photos that were shared by family members on social media were later misused. This has brought the serious issue of digital sharing and children’s online privacy to the forefront.
From a geographical perspective, we have received calls from diverse sections of the country. Alongside major urban centres, people from smaller towns and semi-rural locations have also reached out to us. The highest number of calls have been received from Maharashtra. However, notable cases of have also emerged from other regions including North India, West Bengal, Bihar, and the North Eastern states. Some cases were also received from abroad, where people of Indian origin were facing digital harassment or fraud. This demonstrates how digital safety concerns go beyond geographical boundaries.
Diversity was also observed in terms of language. Alongside Hindi, English and Marathi, callers expressed their concerns in a wide array of languages. Some calls also came from West Bengal and South Indian states and we had to seek the help of a language translator. Many callers are comfortable only in their mother tongue. Because of language barriers it often become difficult for callers to lodge a formal complaint or understand a platform’s procedures. In such cases, it is extremely important to listen to the caller’s concerns with patience, explain in simple , jargon-free language and build trust.
All these experiences make one thing clear – digital insecurity is not just a technical issue.
It is a matter of emotions, relationships and trust. This is why merely providing technical solutions is not adequate. What is needed is sensitive, trustworthy and human support so that people can seek help with confidence rather than fear.
Most callers do not begin the conversation by saying, “I have been the victim of a crime” or “ I have been abused”.
Instead, people begin with questioning themselves:
“Maybe it was my fault.”
“I was the one who trusted them.”
“Everything happened with consent.”
“I sent the photos myself.”
“We were in a relationship.” etc
Meri Trustline’s assistance begins from this very moment – we identify this burden of fear, shame and guilt, and help the caller to understand that trusting someone is not a crime. This helpline is not limited to providing technical or legal information. Here we talk through things, provide, emotional support, and, when necessary, work together on exploring further options.
Nowadays, relationships are not just formed face-to-face or in person, but are also developing through dating apps, social media, chats, video calls and disappearing messages. Although digital platforms have opened up new ways to connect, they have also created new kinds of risks, where inequality, pressure, and fear can easily find a place in relationships. Many times, this happens so slowly that the person doesn’t even realise that the relationship has now become uncomfortable and unsafe.
The Consent Problem
There is one thing that come up repeatedly in calls and messages – people treat consent as a one-time decision. As if, if ‘yes’ has been said once, then there is no right to raise any questions at a later time.
However, on the ground experiences tell a different story. Relationships change. Emotions change. Circumstances change. And so, consent can also change. Yet, in digital relationships, there is often an assumption that once something is shared, it permanently belongs to the other person.
Many people understand too late that consent is not limited to creating or sharing content. Consent is also related to how the content will be used, where, and for how long.
Where these boundaries are crossed, the damage is not limited to the online sphere. It impacts people’s real lives, including their sleep, studies, work, relationships and mental health.
When Trust turns into Fear
In many of the cases coming to the Meri Trustline there used to be a time when the relationship was going well. Messages were exchanged, there were video calls and conversations regarding the future. At that time, sharing intimate images or videos was a part of building trust.
However, when relationships break – when someone says no to something or begins creating distance, the content that was shared can become a source of fear.
“What if they share it everywhere?”
“What if my family members come to know?”
“What if word goes around in my college or office?”
Simply because of threats, many people live in fear for months even if the content has never been shared. This fear alone is enough to silence them.
It is important to understand that the damage is not just from the “leak”. It also comes from the uncertainty and insecurity that someone lives with on an everyday basis.
Gender and Societal Inequalities
Our experience tells us digital exploitation does not affect everyone equally. Children, women, and people from the LGBTQ+ community are targeted more frequently.
In many cases, perpetrators know what society keeps silent about – sexuality, relationships, “honour”, family disgrace – and they use this fear to exert pressure.
In cases involving LGBTQ+ youth, this fear is even deeper. Some people have not revealed their identity to their families. Threats such as “I’ll tell everyone” can be extremely upsetting. We have encountered callers who, out of this fear alone, withdraw completely from social media, from friends, and sometimes even from life itself.
These realities compel us to recognise that digital violence is not just a technological problem. It is an extension of the inequalities that have always existed in society. And how much it can affect a person’s life.
When it comes to safety tips and real needs, conversations about online security often revolve around outdated advice such as:
“Don’t talk to strangers.”
“Don’t send photos.”
“Just block them.”
While these statements hold some truth, they do not tell the whole story. When the focus is entirely on what the victim/survivor did or didn’t do, the perpetrator is absolved of any responsibility.
At Meri Trustline, we often first have to help the person release self-blame – they are often so overwhelmed by guilt that they are too scared to seek help. Sometimes, one sentence makes a huge difference: “ What you did was out of trust. It is not your fault.”
Relationships, Breakup and Power
A question that keeps troubling us is that once a relationship ends, with whom does the power remain?
After a breakup, is one still responsible for the other person’s private content?
Does intimacy mean perpetual control?
In a digital relationship, these questions become even more crucial because content can be easily copied, saved or shared. Our experiences tell us many people make the breakup a reason for revenge; for them, respect and responsibility end with the relationship.
Managing one’s emotions following a breakup is not easy for anyone. Grief, anger and confusion are normal. But it is important to pause and reflect on what should be done with these emotions. Not every story should be a Kabir Singh, where pain becomes control or stubbornness. Sometimes, like the love portrayed in the film Vivah, choosing to pause, to listen, and to move forward while respecting the other person’s boundaries can also be a path. Whether a relationship continues or ends, care and responsibility can remain, because real strength does not come from control or pressure, it comes from restraint, understanding and equality.
Mental Health
The effect of digital abuse often lasts for a long time. Fear, shame, insomnia, difficulty focusing on studies or work are common.
Some people keep checking their phone over and over again.
Some people leave social media entirely.
Some don’t want to talk to anyone at all.
In situations like these, simply saying “just report it” is not enough. Many people first need emotional support, someone who will listen, understand, and not rush them. At Meri Trustline, our work is about getting this balance right, where along with legal and technical assistance, mental and emotional support are equally important.
The Way Forward
Digital intimacy is not a cause for concern in and of itself. People want to connect; they want to trust each other. However, intimacy can be safe only where there is mutual care, respect and accountability.
We have to understand consent as not just a word or box to be ticked, but as an ongoing conversation. We have to accept that a breakup is not license for revenge. And finally, we also have to understand that harm that happens online is just as real harm that happens offline.
Maybe the real question isn’t why people are engaging in digital relationships. Maybe the real question is whether people are capable of being respectful within them too.
Our experiences in Meri Trustline regularly remind us that people do not want control. They just want to be safe, in their identities, their relationships and their lives.
Meri Trustline Helpline
Phone Number – 6363176363
Timings – 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM
Working Days – Monday to Friday
Translated from Hindi by Ruta Sawant, Counsellor, Meri Trustline
Ruta Sawant has completed her Master’s in Applied Psychology at VESASC under Mumbai University. Her previous experiences in the mental health sector have reaffirmed her belief in community-based approaches towards mental health. At RATI, Ruta works as a counsellor at the Meri Trustline and directly assists victims facing cyberbullying and loss of intimate content.
इस आर्टिकल को हिंदी में पढ़ने के लिए, कृपया यहां क्लिक करें।
Cover image by Siddharth Shivshankar, RATI Foundation (Meri Trustline Annual Report Vol. 2, 2023–2024)
