Sex refers to the biological, anatomical, physiological and chromosomal difference in people present at birth such as the presence of a vagina or penis, differences in genetic make-up, etc. Sex can also be used to describe physical acts that include but are not limited to penetrative penile-vaginal intercourse such as oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and kissing, among other acts.
According to the 2006 WHO draft working definition, sexuality is “…a central aspect of being human throughout life [which] encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, legal, historical, religious and spiritual factors.”
Sexual orientation, on the other hand, describes how individuals consider themselves based on whom they are sexually attracted to, whether to people of the same gender, a different gender, or to more than one gender, and which category of these identities they want to adopt for themselves.
Sexuality education is different from sex education. We prefer to use the term Comprehensive Sexuality Education or CSE because it is more encompassing and inclusive. Providing information on sexuality is not the same as teaching someone how to have sex. It includes an understanding of gender roles and identities, information on sexual anatomy and physiology, on how sexuality is related to wellbeing, on how one’s sexuality interacts with family or community, how that makes one feel, talking about one’s choices in sexual partners, expressing one’s sexual identity, etc. Sexuality education provides young people the knowledge, skills, and values they require to be able to grow up happy and healthy. CSE also helps in the emotional, physical and psychological development of individuals.
Parents, teachers and concerned adults want their children to grow up gaining knowledge and awareness on living a healthy, happy and fulfilled life. In addition to putting them through school, we enrol them in classes to learn music and the arts, play sports, etc. Then why not talk to them about their body and mind?
Young people today have a variety of sources from which they can get incomplete, inaccurate and possibly harmful information, ranging from the internet to their peers to movies. Wouldn’t it be better if, instead, the trusted adults in their life gave them accurate information?
The objective of sexuality education is two-fold:
- prevents negative consequences of sexual behaviour like unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections and child sexual abuse,
- increases wellbeing by enhancing the quality of life and relationship of young people.
Comprehensive Sexuality Education is an ongoing process of providing accurate information about the body (in language suited to the age and stage of the young person), and also having conversations about values, attitudes, rights and responsibilities. It is about helping young people navigate the changes in their bodies and how they feel about it; how to give and take consent; how to understand diversity in gender or body types; what relationships or marriages entail, among other things.
Therefore, CSE is a serious matter and requires to be treated as such. Systems and curricula need to be in place in addition to training and other support being provided to teachers. And all children need CSE, irrespective of their age, gender, or ability.
Sexuality is something that starts from birth, therefore it is never too young to start teaching your child about sexuality. Because children will start having questions about sexuality from a very young age, there is no reason to save all of these conversations until a child hits puberty. For example, a 3-year old might ask you questions about their body, or about the differences between men and women, or where they came from. These questions are all a part of sexuality and it is a good idea to start answering a child’s questions early. You might want to begin with the labelling of body parts. This teaches kids to normalise all of their body parts including their genitals so that they don’t associate those parts with shame. Remember that sexuality education is not just about sex. Certain conversations can wait until the child is older, but one need not wait to address questions about one’s bodies or gender differences. For more information on how and when you can start teaching your child about sexuality, check out TARSHI’s Yellow Book: A Parent’s Guide to Sexuality Education.
Thinking back, surely we will be able to come up with some questions we had as young people, to which if we had gotten answers, we would have been saved some confusion, worry or embarrassment! As concerned adults, we have the responsibility to ensure that today’s young people don’t go through the same confusion or worry.
Giving young people information about sexuality does not give them a green signal to experiment. When young people are given age-and stage appropriate information that is accurate, balanced and addresses safety, responsibility, and protection, without being judgmental or fear-based, it enables them to make informed choices. Studies such as UNESCO’s International Technical Guidance on Sexuality Education (2018) show how Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) enables children and adolescents to acquire accurate, age-appropriate knowledge and empowers them to make responsible decisions. Furthermore, this study reveals “that adolescent’s decisions and behaviour related to sexual matters can have long-lasting implications, if wrongly informed, they can suffer adverse consequences”. It also indicates that teachers, educators and service providers working with children and young people play an important role in providing adequate information on sexual and reproductive health.
There is a consensus among mental health professionals as well as among educationists and sociologists that curiosity about sex is common and normal. The opposition to sexuality education is an unfortunate development, outdated in this Internet age wherein children and young people anyway have access to (frequently inaccurate) information about sexuality. Poorly informed friends, media and the Internet cannot be the sources of sexuality education for young people. Children should receive accurate, age and stage appropriate, and culturally compatible information on sex and sexuality.
Culture is a mixture of many beliefs and practices, not all of them benevolent. Sati and child marriage were also part of Indian ‘culture’ but people do not generally demand that they be restored. Just because something was in our culture does not make it good and its absence from our culture does not make it bad in and of itself. In addition, culture is not cast in stone. It is changing and evolving. For example, forty to fifty years ago, it was uncommon for South Asian women to pursue professional courses and degrees; today, it is generally expected that women will compete for professional courses and have a career.
‘Culture’ in schools has also changed significantly compared to 10-15 years ago. Many teachers today incorporate the latest technology in their teaching; asking students to go online to collect information for a project is commonplace now. New courses have been introduced in schools to keep up with the skills required of young people in the coming years. So why not CSE?
Sexual behaviour within the realm of so called ‘Indian values’ has included sexual violence and abuse in the name of custom and tradition. The Study on Child Abuse: India 2007 commissioned by the Ministry of Women and Child Development, Government of India, shows that out of 12, 477 child respondents, 53% reported having faced one or more kinds of sexual abuse. The percentage of boys abused was close to, if not higher, than the girls. And a significant share of abuse was perpetrated by people known to the child, not strangers. By not discussing CSE related topics in schools or at home, we are putting young people at risk of abuse and infections.
And we’re not just talking about abuse here. For a long time, our education systems have implicitly denied the importance of addressing adolescent sexuality – at least, not in ‘our backyard’. However, the truth is that these issues are everywhere – teachers we have interacted with talk about students’ relationships, questions they have about their gender and sexual identity, students’ engagement with gender equality, etc. This means, issues related to sexuality are clearly the elephant in the room that we cannot ignore!
It is perfectly normal to feel nervous about the idea of talking to your child about sexuality, especially if they are very young. It is only natural that your child will be curious about topics related to sexuality, so it is important for us to create a safe space where they are given accurate and non-judgmental information about bodies, relationships, sex and sexuality. Whenever you decide to have a conversation with your child about any sexuality-related topic, remember that they can sense if you are nervous or uncomfortable and this will send them the message that these topics are taboo or something to be ashamed of. For example, if you think it is time to start teaching your child about their body parts, it is important that you don’t feel ashamed using words like ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’ as this might make your child feel ashamed about their body parts. In order to prevent this from happening, a good tactic is to practise discussing these topics before actually speaking to your child. You could try talking to a friend first, or practising what you will say in front of a mirror. This will make you much more comfortable when it is actually time to talk to your child. TARSHI also conducts training and workshops with parents to have conversations about sexuality with comfort and ease.
At TARSHI, we have some resources that can help you get started!
- For young people below the age of 18, check out The Red Book (for people aged 10-14) or The Blue Book (for people aged 15+) where they can read about the changes they are experiencing and their journey towards adulthood.
- If you are a parent or a concerned adult wondering how to start talking about sexuality with young people, The Yellow Book has tips and tools, information and advice!
- If you are an educator or a counsellor at a school-type setting, you can read The Orange Book, which has information and exercises that will help you discuss sexuality-related issues with ease. This book is also available in Hindi. You can also do an eLearning course based on this book for a hands-on, visually interactive learning experience on how to discuss CSE with young people.