Sex refers to the biological, anatomical, physiological and chromosomal difference in people present at birth such as the presence of a vagina or penis, differences in genetic make-up, etc. Sex can also be used to describe physical acts that include but are not limited to penetrative penile-vaginal intercourse such as oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and kissing, among other acts.
According to the 2006 WHO draft working definition, sexuality is “…a central aspect of being human throughout life [which] encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, legal, historical, religious and spiritual factors.”
Sexual orientation, on the other hand, describes how individuals consider themselves based on whom they are sexually attracted to, whether to people of the same gender, a different gender, or to more than one gender, and which category of these identities they want to adopt for themselves.
Sexuality education is different from sex education. We prefer to use the term Comprehensive Sexuality Education or CSE because it is more encompassing and inclusive. Providing information on sexuality is not the same as teaching someone how to have sex. It includes an understanding of gender roles and identities, information on sexual anatomy and physiology, on how sexuality is related to wellbeing, on how one’s sexuality interacts with family or community, how that makes one feel, talking about one’s choices in sexual partners, expressing one’s sexual identity, etc. Sexuality education provides young people the knowledge, skills, and values they require to be able to grow up happy and healthy. CSE also helps in the emotional, physical and psychological development of individuals.
Comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) is a curriculum-based process of teaching and learning about the cognitive, emotional, physical and social aspects of sexuality. It aims to equip children and young people with knowledge, skills, attitudes and values that will empower them to: realise their health, well-being and dignity; develop respectful social and sexual relationships; consider how their choices affect their own well-being and that of others; and, understand and ensure the protection of their rights throughout their lives.”
Sexuality education has so far been given a rather bad name. More often termed, ‘sex education’ or ‘sex-ed’it has been misunderstood as teaching children how to have sex or ‘permitting experimentation’. Where information on sexuality is imparted, it is largely limited to information on menstrual management and hygiene for girls and about prevention of abuse. This is not what sexuality education is all about.
CSE is about bodily changes – of puberty, growing up, physical differences. At times, it is also about how adolescents feel in their body – do they like what they see? Are they happy and comfortable? Or are they under pressure to look and feel different? Sexuality education also deals with young people’s likes, loves, and relationships, with each other, with teachers, with their parents and society at large. At the same time, it is about protection from abuse, violence, infections, hurt, and the pain of break ups. It is about values and responsibilities, rights and duties. It is about sex too: what it is, the right time for it, who the ‘right’ person is, how and when to say no, and when and why to say yes. It is about viewing sexuality affirmatively and responsibly.
Parents, teachers and concerned adults want their children to grow up gaining knowledge and awareness on living a healthy, happy and fulfilled life. In addition to putting them through school, we enrol them in classes to learn music and the arts, play sports, etc. Then why not talk to them about their body and mind?
Young people today have a variety of sources from which they can get incomplete, inaccurate and possibly harmful information, ranging from the internet to their peers to movies. Wouldn’t it be better if, instead, the trusted adults in their life gave them accurate information?
The objective of sexuality education is two-fold:
- prevents negative consequences of sexual behaviour like unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections and child sexual abuse,
- increases wellbeing by enhancing the quality of life and relationship of young people.
Comprehensive Sexuality Education is an ongoing process of providing accurate information about the body (in language suited to the age and stage of the young person), and also having conversations about values, attitudes, rights and responsibilities. It is about helping young people navigate the changes in their bodies and how they feel about it; how to give and take consent; how to understand diversity in gender or body types; what relationships or marriages entail, among other things.
Therefore, CSE is a serious matter and requires to be treated as such. Systems and curricula need to be in place in addition to training and other support being provided to teachers. And all children need CSE, irrespective of their age, gender, or ability.
Sexuality is something that starts from birth, therefore it is never too young to start teaching your child about sexuality. Because children will start having questions about sexuality from a very young age, there is no reason to save all of these conversations until a child hits puberty. For example, a 3-year old might ask you questions about their body, or about the differences between men and women, or where they came from. These questions are all a part of sexuality and it is a good idea to start answering a child’s questions early. You might want to begin with the labelling of body parts. This teaches kids to normalise all of their body parts including their genitals so that they don’t associate those parts with shame. Remember that sexuality education is not just about sex. Certain conversations can wait until the child is older, but one need not wait to address questions about one’s bodies or gender differences. For more information on how and when you can start teaching your child about sexuality, check out TARSHI’s Yellow Book: A Parent’s Guide to Sexuality Education.
Most young people today are in one way or another aware of these issues. They are thinking, feeling and experiencing them in some way, big or small. There are some young people who are very aware, while others may not be so well-informed. If adults think back to their childhood and adolescence, they were, if not fully, then at least partially, aware of issues related to sexuality. Nobody was completely clueless; everyone had some idea at least. Things like ’proposals’, love letters, and incessant blank phone calls may make us laugh and say, “How silly it was!” Nevertheless, even then, there were messages of all sorts about these issues. Saying that “It doesn’t happen in my school” is like trying to ignore the elephant in the room.
What would be better? Acknowledging that there is an elephant in the room, or pretending it is not there, and keep bumping into it?
Informing and educating students in the best possible way, or letting them get half-baked, sensationalised, incorrect information from inaccurate sources? When young people are given age- and stage-appropriate information that is accurate, balanced and addresses safety, responsibility, and protection, without being judgmental or fear-based, it enables them to make informed choices. Studies such as UNESCO’s International Technical Guidance on Sexuality Education (2018) show how Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) enables children and adolescents to acquire accurate, age-appropriate knowledge and empowers them to make responsible decisions. Furthermore, this study reveals “that adolescents’ decisions and behaviour related to sexual matters can have long-lasting implications, if wrongly informed, they can suffer adverse consequences”. It also indicates that teachers, educators and service providers working with children and young people play an important role in providing adequate information on sexual and reproductive health.
Culture is a mixture of many beliefs and practices, not all of them benevolent. Sati and child marriage were also part of Indian ‘culture’ but people do not generally demand that they be restored. Just because something was in our culture does not make it good and its absence from our culture does not make it bad in and of itself. In addition, culture is not cast in stone. It is changing and evolving. For example, forty to fifty years ago, it was uncommon for South Asian women to pursue professional courses and degrees; today, it is generally expected that women will compete for professional courses and have a career.
‘Culture’ in schools has also changed significantly compared to 10-15 years ago. Many teachers today incorporate the latest technology in their teaching; asking students to go online to collect information for a project is commonplace now. New courses have been introduced in schools to keep up with the skills required of young people in the coming years. So why not CSE?
Sexual behaviour within the realm of so called ‘Indian values’ has included sexual violence and abuse in the name of custom and tradition. The Study on Child Abuse: India 2007 commissioned by the Ministry of Women and Child Development, Government of India, shows that out of 12, 477 child respondents, 53% reported having faced one or more kinds of sexual abuse. The percentage of boys abused was close to, if not higher, than the girls. And a significant share of abuse was perpetrated by people known to the child, not strangers. By not discussing CSE related topics in schools or at home, we are putting young people at risk of abuse and infections.
And we’re not just talking about abuse here. For a long time, our education systems have implicitly denied the importance of addressing adolescent sexuality – at least, not in ‘our backyard’. However, the truth is that these issues are everywhere – teachers we have interacted with talk about students’ relationships, questions they have about their gender and sexual identity, students’ engagement with gender equality, etc. This means, issues related to sexuality are clearly the elephant in the room that we cannot ignore!
It is perfectly normal to feel nervous about the idea of talking to your child about sexuality, especially if they are very young. It is only natural that your child will be curious about topics related to sexuality, so it is important for us to create a safe space where they are given accurate and non-judgmental information about bodies, relationships, sex and sexuality. Whenever you decide to have a conversation with your child about any sexuality-related topic, remember that they can sense if you are nervous or uncomfortable and this will send them the message that these topics are taboo or something to be ashamed of. For example, if you think it is time to start teaching your child about their body parts, it is important that you don’t feel ashamed using words like ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’ as this might make your child feel ashamed about their body parts. In order to prevent this from happening, a good tactic is to practise discussing these topics before actually speaking to your child. You could try talking to a friend first, or practising what you will say in front of a mirror. This will make you much more comfortable when it is actually time to talk to your child. TARSHI also conducts training and workshops with parents to have conversations about sexuality with comfort and ease.
At TARSHI, we have some resources that can help you get started!
- For young people below the age of 18, check out The Red Book (for people aged 10-14) or The Blue Book (for people aged 15+) where they can read about the changes they are experiencing and their journey towards adulthood.
- If you are a parent or a concerned adult wondering how to start talking about sexuality with young people, The Yellow Book has tips and tools, information and advice!
- If you are an educator or a counsellor at a school-type setting, you can read The Orange Book, which has information and exercises that will help you discuss sexuality-related issues with ease. This book is also available in Hindi. You can also do an eLearning course based on this book for a hands-on, visually interactive learning experience on how to discuss CSE with young people.
What does information do? When teachers give information to students in chemistry labs, do they start making bombs and blowing things up? They don’t – they get cautious, and learn to handle chemicals with care. Similarly, when responsible adults give young people information which is accurate, balanced, and lays stress on safety, responsibility, and protection without being judgmental or fear-based, it empowers them to make better informed choices, not just while in school, but throughout their lives.
Secondly, adults often expect adolescents to make so many other informed decisions – about their projects, friends, outings, hobbies, courses, and future professions. Why, then, do they mistrust them so much when it comes to sexuality related issues? Teachers speak a lot about their school (and family) values and take great pride in them. Then why do they believe that when it comes to the issue of sexuality, their students (and children) will throw all caution to the wind? Why is this issue such a source of anxiety for adults?
This calls for some introspection. Do teachers and other adults project their own panic and discomfort on to students, and blame them for something they are personally uncomfortable with? Reliable sexuality education makes substantial difference in the lives of young people. Read this analysis to show how accurate sexuality education has actually made a huge difference in the way young people look at issues of sexuality.
Those in opposition believe that either young people will become aware of these matters once they are married, or that this message is (or should be) conveyed to them by their parents. However, evidence shows that many young people enter marriage quite unprepared and unaware of basic concepts like STIs, HIV and AIDS, contraception, and pregnancy. In addition, many young people and parents commented on how they themselves did not have enough information regarding sexuality, when the time came to raise the issue, and thus, they chose to not engage in these discussions with each other. However, both parents and young people perceived sexuality education as an important life skill.
Finally, evidence clearly highlights the need – as defined by parents and young people – to implement sexuality education for young people in order to ensure they have the life skills to make informed and positive decisions about their sexual and reproductive health.
Yes, parents can be a force to contend with, no doubt. They can be very supportive, very hostile, very concerned, or just very confused!
Often, parents are very relieved that this issue is being addressed by someone they trust, i.e. teachers, and that they don’t have to deal with it themselves. ‘The Youth in India: Situation and Needs Study’ of 2006-07, by Population Council and the International Institute for Population Studies, has shown that parents also felt that there is a need for sexuality education. One strategy for teachers is to take them into confidence, answer their questions, and even share what is being discussed with the students in class. Sometimes, parents just need their fears assuaged, and this may well encourage them to share not only some of their own trepidations, but also some positive strategies with the teacher/school. Teachers could even involve some of the interested parents in your classes and offer that they conduct particular sessions, if school policy allows for this.
This is indisputable. In fact, this is what we have been saying all along too. Teachers hardly have any breathing space; how are they expected to take on so many hours of extra sessions?
Sexuality education need not be a different ‘subject’. Can we think of ways for teachers to weave in these various issues, in small ways, into their teaching routines? For example, combining these issues with a regular subject, or in an extracurricular class, or in a debate, or a play?
Needless to say, this will require the backing of the school administration and other teachers, of course. Incorporating these issues into regular teaching will not reduce the burden, but it will at least not add to it. It will also make lessons and interactions with students much more vibrant. Additionally, it will ‘normalise’ the sexuality education discussion, without treating it as an additional subject or something out of the ordinary.