{"id":5198,"date":"2015-02-01T11:00:40","date_gmt":"2015-02-01T05:30:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak?p=5198"},"modified":"2018-08-01T12:55:31","modified_gmt":"2018-08-01T07:25:31","slug":"voices-desire-and-sexuality-education-teaching-about-romance-love-infatuation-and-other-such-attractions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/voices-desire-and-sexuality-education-teaching-about-romance-love-infatuation-and-other-such-attractions\/","title":{"rendered":"Desire and Sexuality Education: Teaching about Romance, Love, Infatuation and Other Such Attractions"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sexuality Education is not only about Sexual and Reproductive Health<\/a>, but ideally also aims to address the question of adolescent relationships and romance. Research suggests that there is a missing discourse of desire in Sexuality Education (Fine 1988) [1]<\/a> even though there is a move to include a discourse of erotics in the curriculum in New Zealand (Allen 2004) [2]<\/a>. If one were to think of conversations on romance in the classroom in middle-class urban India today, what could they be? Tied with this are the following questions: what are middle class adolescent girls\u2019 and boys\u2019 experiences of romance? What are the messages given in the classroom by schools and NGOs today? And consequently, what are the tensions in pedagogically engaging with romance in the classroom?<\/p>\n

Romance amongst middle class urban adolescents is viewed by schools and teachers as either not serious (as \u2018puppy love\u2019) or as \u2018dangerous\u2019 and a reason for moral panic. In the former case, romance is equated to a \u2018bubble that will burst\u2019 and in the latter, romance is viewed as having a disastrous spiralling effect, where it leads to sex, and pregnancy and possibly STIs and STDs. This necessitates a certain kind of Sexuality Education focussing on disease and pregnancy prevention. However, my research shows that middle-class adolescents\u2019 romantic lives are much more complex than they are made out to be. I draw on my interviews with middle-class men and women from Mumbai, between the ages of 19 and 28 years, reflecting on their schooling and adolescence.<\/p>\n

Young women recount how adolescent heterosexual romance is often about finding a boy \u2018cute\u2019, holding hands, talking on the phone, or discussing these things with other girl friends. Most of these relationships don\u2019t last long and don\u2019t typically end in marriage, though many women, in their adolescence believe in the idea of \u2018eternal love\u2019 where the first boyfriend will become their life partner forever. Dating and crushes are also characterised by teasing by peers. One young woman says, \u201cI was crucified in school for having a couple of crushes and my friends equally were crucified by us also. Every time you pass by they will utter his name instead of your name.\u201d Almost all the young women I interviewed spoke about crushes along these lines. None of them described at length their emotions of falling in love with a boy, even though they acknowledged the idea of \u2018eternal love\u2019.<\/p>\n

The young men I interviewed didn\u2019t necessarily talk about adolescent romance as always involving sexual intercourse. Many described their heterosexual adolescent crushes as characterised by sitting and talking to girls or holding their hands, being confused about the desire they felt for girls and the awkwardness of proposing to a girl. For instance, one of them described the awkwardness of liking a girl: \u201cI liked this girl, didn\u2019t know what to do, what to say.\u201d<\/p>\n

A young man, who is uncertain about his sexuality, recounted how at the age of fourteen he fell in love with one of his neighbours, who was a boy. \u201cHe was 6 years elder to me. We used to go around, sometimes he would take me out. He used to see me as a younger sibling. I really felt something about it. I felt maybe this is the man I could spend the rest of my life with; this is the man I could get to really know. But I don\u2019t think he saw it that way. The moments I spent with him, I can never forget.\u201d<\/p>\n

One 20 year-old man described the feelings of a first love, \u201cFirst time when I liked (someone) \u2013 for that time I was very serious. I was quite thrilled about it. I didn\u2019t have any weird feeling that I should kiss her or something, but just that I used to like her company, as simple as that. I never told her. She did get to know though, after school. At that time she was very important to me. It wasn\u2019t there in the open. Nobody knew about it except a few friends.\u201d Romance for these boys is a serious affair, often involving long-term commitment or awkwardness and strong emotions. This not only upsets the idea of \u2018puppy love\u2019 but also questions the assumption that romance necessarily leads to sex and pregnancies. I also read these boys\u2019 narratives as subversive acts, questioning the essentialist notion of male desire as predatory.<\/p>\n

Ritty Lukose (2009) [3]<\/a> argues that there is an important link between romance and modernity and that for adult women, romance emerges as a key site for negotiating consumer citizenship. This is true not only for women but also for adolescent boys and girls. As one young man said: \u201cDating involved at that age for us \u2013 kissing, chilling with that person all the time, going to a restaurant or caf\u00e9 for a date or holding hands. Flirting and romance would be in restaurants easily.\u201d Dating also involves an exchange of gifts and flowers, though it is assumed the boy would get more gifts for the girl.<\/p>\n

What are the messages about romance in the classroom? Sexuality Education in some schools in Mumbai is careful to distinguish between love, friendship and infatuation and to provide definitions for them. Dr Anthony Grugni in the textbook Exercises in Education to Love (1997) [4]<\/a>, produced by an organisation in Mumbai, writes about the differences between infatuation and love. Infatuation, in the textbook, is \u201cthe kind of relationship that surfaces in\u2026 adolescence (21)\u201d and is characterised as exciting, instant, impulsive, leading to jealousy, purely based on sexual attraction and emotions, not lasting, selfish and energy sapping. Love on the other hand is read as deeper, lasting, not necessarily between romantic partners, selfless, sacrificing, involving trust and nurturing. Dating is seen as a process of knowing a romantic partner and hints that any relationships outside religious and community boundaries are not advisable and can lead to difficult situations.<\/p>\n

An NGO based in Mumbai which conducts Sexuality Education programmes called ‘Life Skills Education’ [5]<\/a> in Bombay Municipal Corporation Schools distinguishes between the different types of attractions for Standard 7 students:<\/p>\n