{"id":19631,"date":"2020-07-15T12:30:28","date_gmt":"2020-07-15T07:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak?p=19631"},"modified":"2020-07-15T12:31:22","modified_gmt":"2020-07-15T07:01:22","slug":"the-man-in-the-saree","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/the-man-in-the-saree\/","title":{"rendered":"The Man In The Saree"},"content":{"rendered":"

This article was originally published in Gaysi magazine<\/a>,\u00a0(CC BY-NC-ND 2.5 IN)<\/span><\/p>\n

Posted byAsfiyah<\/a><\/p>\n

Posted on<\/span>Jan 7 2020<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

To my astonishment, and fiendish delight, I witnessed a sight unbeknown to me. A man wearing a\u2026 saree? A spurt of giggles escaped my mouth as I prodded my mother, and pointed conspicuously towards the window.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t remember which day of the week it was \u2013 or which month, or year, or any of the temporal constructs that accompany memories and the fervid urge to start stories with\u00a0I was six years old when\u2026<\/em>\u00a0But I do remember the striking black and yellow paint that was hastily smeared across the exterior of the taxi. I remember the damp, dirt-streaked seats and the vibrant pattern of triangles embroidered onto the roof \u2013\u00a0red, yellow, red, blue, red, yellow red, blue.\u00a0<\/em>And I remember being young \u2013 young enough for my ignorance to be brushed aside with a comforting smile and a\u00a0chalta hai, bacchi hai.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

But not young enough for it to not be hurtful anyway.<\/p>\n

As I stared out of the window, and tried to count till 100 before the red light turned green, I heard a resonant tap on the window at the other side of the vehicle, where my mother was hunched over a text conversation. Curious, I peeped over my mother\u2019s head to unearth the identity of our mystery guest. To my astonishment, and fiendish delight, I witnessed a sight unbeknown to me. A man wearing a\u2026\u00a0saree<\/em>? A spurt of giggles escaped my mouth as I prodded my mother, and pointed conspicuously towards the window.
\n\u201cLook mama! A man wearing a saree! What is he doing? Yuck!\u201d
\nMore giggles.
\n<\/em>My mother shot me an exasperated look, before turning back to her mobile phone, \u201cDon\u2019t laugh, Asfiyah. It\u2019s rude\u201d, she muttered.
\nThe man continued to knock at the window- he wanted a meal, some money, anything we could give him. My mother gestured for them to go away. Their pleas grew more desperate.
\nI laughed again, harder this time.
\nThe tapping ceased. The oddity at our window pressed their face against the glass \u2013\u00a0flattened nose, foggy forehead, eyes brimming with a mixture of hurt and confusion.<\/em>
\nThey stared at my gleeful expression for a minute, before walking away, wordlessly.
\nThe traffic light turned green.\u00a0I had only counted till 56.<\/em><\/p>\n

The incident of The \u2018Man\u2019 In The Saree evokes a plethora of unpleasant emotions. Embarassment. Regret. Guilt. Shame. Frustration. Melancholy.
\nAnger.\u00a0So much anger.<\/em>
\nAnger at myself for dehumanizing, taunting, reducing, prodding, poking, ridiculing and turning a person into a burlesqued spoof- a papery-thin, watered down version of a human being. Anger at myself for spending years of my life fervently believing that clothes define gender and gender defines clothes, when in reality, nothing defines anything. But mostly, anger at my immediate social environment for choosing to teach 6 year-olds, long division \u2013 when they should\u2019ve been teaching us how to be kind, compassionate and open-minded.<\/p>\n

In the context of today\u2019s turbulent times, United Nations declared \u2018Transforming Education\u2019<\/em>, the theme for International Youth Day 2019; in an attempt to make education more inclusive, holistic and sustainable.<\/p>\n

We live in a society where intelligence is equated to the mindless memorization of futile information; where contextually relevant material is replaced by nationalist propaganda; where a warped, white-washed fa\u00e7ade of fantasy replaces reality, a fresh coat of apathetic paint concealing the bleeding, dying wallpaper underneath; a society where minorities are dehumanised, derided, satirized, portrayed as\u00a0lesser, smaller, paler, ghostlier<\/em>\u00a0\u2013 less stable, less normal, less deserving of life \u2013\u00a0at best.<\/em>
\nAt worst, they cease to exist.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s no secret that the queer community is unrepresented \u2013 invisible \u2013 in education systems. History textbooks contain no mention of LGBTQ+ history, sociology textbooks don\u2019t address the demographic of the queer population and the patterns of their social structures and relationships, English textbooks never consider using queer literature as a lens to study literary effects or specific themes. In simple terms, education is narrowly-defined, restricted to heteronormative ideals; and reductionist in its approach; which often creates generations upon generations of individuals who\u2019ve known nothing but bigotry and ignorance.
\nAnd long division.\u00a0Especially long division.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s often claimed that education is the key to a happier world; it can change mindsets, equip minorities and strengthen our fight against bigotry. But what good is an education that teaches young children to hate and deride and spit in the faces of minorities? One where we\u2019re reduced to a mere percentage of the population that you\u2019re supposed to painstakingly accommodate, to tolerate, to deal with \u2013 like an annoying friend you put up with, out of civility.
\nFeigned courtesy.
\nReluctant forbearance.
\nA termite infestation.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear education system,<\/p>\n

I am a 17 year old bisexual female, and as a child, I laughed gleefully at a transgender woman who came knocking at my window, simply because I didn\u2019t know any better.
\nBut I could\u2019ve known better.\u00a0I should\u2019ve known better.<\/em><\/p>\n

If only you\u2019d kept aside battle dates and names of Indian states for a split second \u2013\u00a0stowed them away at the back of a musty closet along with piles of dirty laundry\u00a0<\/em>\u2013 you could\u2019ve, instead, taught me to be kind, to be understanding, to be tolerant. You could\u2019ve taught me that gay men aren\u2019t merely pink-clad caricatures; thigh-slapping, rib-tickling dynamos who make finger puppets out of human beings; that women aren\u2019t meant to sprawl across dirt paths, smoothening out the irregularities, not meant to be macerated \u2013 turned into a concrete paste, to form a road for generations of men to trudge across.<\/p>\n

Dear education system,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m tired. Tired of being invisible to you. Tired of my community, my family being invisible to you. I have questions for you.<\/p>\n

When will we begin to exist? Once we\u2019re dead? Slain? Insentient? Bacteria food?<\/p>\n

I have questions for you.<\/p>\n

Why are we never woven into sociology textbooks like threads of an exquisite fabric \u2013\u00a0red, blue, yellow strings of vibrant cloth<\/em>? Why are we not accommodated besides heterosexual couples; as individuals, who are capable of forming healthy relationships, who\u2019re capable of sustaining and surviving and flourishing, and raising happy children?
\nWhy?\u00a0Not enough pages about heterosexual men, perhaps?<\/em><\/p>\n

Would you rather pretend as though men don\u2019t marry men, as though women don\u2019t know that other women taste of strength and strawberry chapstick?\u00a0Maybe if we don\u2019t acknowledge their existence, it\u2019ll cease to be.<\/em>\u00a0Chai peelo sab theek ho jayega.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear education system, I have questions for you.<\/p>\n

Why are transgender people never portrayed as parents of children? Why are students not taught that people\u2019s pronouns must be respected; that bathrooms are piss-relievers, not battlegrounds; that clothes aren\u2019t meant to be wrung into ropes used to bind human beings to weighing scales to assess their worth?<\/p>\n

Why are feminist and queer movements never incorporated into history textbooks? Are the Stonewall riots not as important as the revolt of 1857? Is the blood of lesbians, perhaps, duller, less oxygenated, less life-sustaining than the blood of our soldiers? Why do chapters on the Nazi regime concentrate on the economic policies of a toothbrush-moustached murderer, and not the minorities he persecuted?<\/p>\n

Dear education system, I have questions for you.<\/p>\n

Why do prescribed texts for English Literature classes never include works by gay authors, androgynous authors, polyamorous authors? Why are we only ever subjected to torturous readings of white, cis-heterosexual men\u2019s accounts of their oh, so tragic, privilege-infested lives.\u00a0Sob, sob. Poor them, poor us.<\/em><\/p>\n

We want to read about high-functioning transgender characters with ordinary, happy lives; introverted lesbians who aren\u2019t sexually or politically charged, bisexual characters who enjoy healthy, stable and allegiant romantic relationships; masculine gay men who aren\u2019t wax figurines or sidekicks to the Hot Macho Straight Man \u2013\u00a0who\u2019re protagonists in their own stories.\u00a0<\/em>Dear education system, we want to be represented and normalized and accepted, not slandered for embracing a part of our identity that we were born with. It\u2019s not enough for you to tolerate us, to reduce us to a percentage, a numerical \u2013 a lifeless, unyielding statistic.
\nTreat us like human beings.
\nWhen we touch a thorn, we bleed. When you tell us a joke, we laugh. When we watch our 5 year old cousin succumb to disease, we howl. Just like every other person on this planet.<\/p>\n

Dear education system, I have questions for you.<\/p>\n

Why are sex education lessons a shoddy sham \u2013 a propagandist effort to instil abstinence in children who will eventually grow up to have sex, but won\u2019t recognize the need for consent, condoms or conversations. Why do sex education lessons, if existent at all, designate women as givers and men as receivers? Giving pleasure, giving orgasms, giving herself.
\nSubmit. Don\u2019t breathe. Don\u2019t move. Don\u2019t give him any indication that you\u2019re alive.
\nMerely moan, suck, sit still, be sexy. But not sexual.<\/em>
\nNever, ever be sexual.<\/em><\/p>\n

Why do sex education lessons never address queer bodies, queer individuals, queer relationships? How do you navigate sex as a lesbian? How could intersex bodies experience maximum pleasure? How does one ensure safety, comfort and protection of all the parties involved? What are our rights \u2013 the laws and legalities that bind and liberate us?
\nWe deserve to know. We deserve to enjoy fulfilling sexual relationships. We deserve happiness. We deserve freedom and liberation and enjoyment.
\nWe deserve a chance at an ordinary life.<\/p>\n

Dear education system,<\/p>\n

I have questions for you.<\/p>\n

I want to know if you\u2019re ready to transform- if you\u2019re ready to accommodate, to accept, to celebrate our community.<\/p>\n

I want to know if you\u2019re willing to make changes to your system, to your curriculum, to your textbooks, to your teachers, your attitude?<\/p>\n

I wonder if you have the strength to pull away the carpet you\u2019ve thrust us under for centuries. If you have the courage to humanize us \u2013 to give us a place in classrooms, in textbooks, in prescribed readings, in sex education lessons.<\/p>\n

I wonder if someday, another little girl in a\u00a0kaali-peeli<\/em>\u00a0taxi will swallow her giggles and imprison them within her rib cage \u2013 when she sees a man in a saree; because she learnt in school, that the transgender people who come knocking at car doors begging for money \u2013\u00a0 are valid human beings who deserve the same love and compassion and dignity as her mother and her best friend. I wonder if she\u2019ll smile, wave, and give away the last bite of her sandwich to the person at her window. And maybe, this time, the \u201cman in the saree\u201d will smile back, and won\u2019t walk away with a dull, sagging heart and a lingering ache in their bones.<\/p>\n

Dear education system,<\/p>\n

I have questions for you.<\/p>\n

And I hope you have the answers.<\/p>\n

\n

Tags<\/h3>\n

Brutally Honest<\/a>Culture<\/a>Featured<\/a>Fucked Up<\/a>India<\/a>Social Media<\/a>Transgender<\/a>Transphobia<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n

About the author<\/h3>\n

Asfiyah<\/a><\/h3>\n
17. Queer. Socially anxious introvert. Ironically, a performing arts enthusiast. Experiences bizarre minimalistic urges, with often manifest in a desire to encompass the universe and confine it to a glass jar. Has a penchant for books, cats, doggos, horror movies, sunsets, oversized black t-shirts, mountains, Lucy Rose, and rickshaw rides on rainy days.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This article was originally published in Gaysi magazine,\u00a0(CC BY-NC-ND 2.5 IN) Posted byAsfiyah Posted onJan 7 2020 To my astonishment,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":19633,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[85,1,2272],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-19631","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-blog-roll","8":"category-categories","9":"category-young-people-and-sexuality"},"menu_order":323,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19631","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19631"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19631\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19635,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19631\/revisions\/19635"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19633"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19631"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19631"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19631"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}