{"id":1499,"date":"2014-02-01T06:00:24","date_gmt":"2014-02-01T00:30:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak?p=1499"},"modified":"2022-03-14T16:48:54","modified_gmt":"2022-03-14T11:18:54","slug":"i-column-shades-of-grey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/i-column-shades-of-grey\/","title":{"rendered":"I Column: Shades of Grey"},"content":{"rendered":"

Introduction: As this first-person account of Anita, a Devadasi<\/a> in Maharashtra, Western India illustrates, issues of consent and violence\/coercion cannot always be clearly demarcated as black and white. Anita\u2019s account shows that there were definite instances of coercion in her life and equally, there were spaces where she was able to exercise her choice and consent too.<\/em><\/p>\n

I grew up in Gokul Nagar (a shanty town colony of women in prostitution, or dhanda<\/i> \u2013 business).\u00a0When I was little, customers would come to our house and I would take their bicycles for a long ride\u2026and I played hide and seek (lappa chappi<\/i>).<\/p>\n

When I was 10, I found out that my mother was a sex worker.\u00a0One of my mother\u2019s regular clients supported my sisters and me economically. My mother died around that time.\u00a0My father (the person who lived with us as my mother\u2019s malak <\/i>(long-term lover, like a common-law husband) came at least two or three times to meet us after my mother\u2019s death.\u00a0We were living with my aunt. She was the only person who took care of us. My sister told me that I should become a Devadasi. I didn\u2019t know about the Devadasi system.<\/p>\n

As a girl I was always having fun. I used to wander all over the place.\u00a0I spent the whole day playing with other girls in my community \u2013 Shairi, Sumitri, Kamli, Mhadi, Afsana \u2013 all my childhood friends with whom I happily spent my day. They were all my age.\u00a0Most of the days I got into trouble with my mother while playing.\u00a0I used to get spankings but it didn\u2019t stop my fun.<\/p>\n

My mother admitted me to school very late, so\u00a0I was one of the older students in my class.\u00a0When I was in 4th<\/sup> grade, I got my period and because I was now mature I left school. I never missed going to school.<\/p>\n

When I was dedicated to the Goddess Yellamma,<\/a> my aunt (who I call my mother) asked me to go to Saundatti (one of the oldest towns in Belgaum district in the Indian state of Karnataka) with her.\u00a0There were three or four women from Swarup Talkies area who came along with us. First we went to the Temple of Jogul Bai Satyawwa.\u00a0They told me to have bath and had me wear leaves from the Limb<\/i> (Neem) tree. After worshipping the Goddess there, we went to the main Temple on the mountain.\u00a0The women with me brought many special food ingredients like dal [lentils], rice, flour, and they made a meal.\u00a0Paradi, a plate of foods for the Goddess was prepared.\u00a0In the evening, in the presence of five other Devadasis, I became a Devadasi. They put five strings of pearls around my neck and from then on, I was a Devadasi. I was 12 years old then. It was a religious thing for me \u2013<\/i> like for other Devadasis.<\/p>\n

I never thought anything much of becoming a Devadasi.\u00a0In my family, my mother, my aunt, my sister and many of my relatives were Devadasis.\u00a0I didn\u2019t feel bad when I became one.\u00a0I never wanted to get married.<\/p>\n

When I turned 18, I entered sex work. I didn\u2019t know anything. Once a man came to our house and said \u201cI will be with you this evening\u201d.\u00a0My friends told me \u201cLook, this man is going to come sleep with you.\u00a0You will hold hands\u201d.\u00a0I put mehendi<\/i> (henna designs for special occasions) on both of my hands.\u00a0He came in the evening and sat on the bed.\u00a0My friends told me to go and sit next to him.\u00a0They said, \u201cHe will not do anything to you\u201d. So\u00a0I went inside and sat beside him.\u00a0Then he started to hold me but I felt uncomfortable and I shouted, so he left me alone.\u00a0I was interested in hanging out outside with my girl friends.\u00a0I was not interested in doing sex work.\u00a0After three or four months the same man came to our house and called me. This time he demanded sex. I found out then that \u201cgoing inside\u201d means to have sex with someone or to \u201csleep with someone.\u201d<\/p>\n

A good day was when I had a lot of clients visiting me, when the money was flowing my way. I could earn a lot of money.\u00a0Tuesday was also a nice day because it was a fasting day spent worshipping the Goddess. A day without clients was a bad day for me. I would blame myself for not having many clients.<\/p>\n

No man ever hurt me in my whole life.\u00a0At one point this guy came around and tried to act like my husband (malak<\/i>), but\u00a0I wasn\u2019t fond of him and\u00a0I fought to keep him away from me.\u00a0I became stronger by fighting with him.<\/p>\n

Meena Seshu madam was the first person I met from SANGRAM<\/a>.\u00a0She came to visit our community with Appravva mousi <\/i>(honorific term meaning aunt).\u00a0Meena Seshu madam introduced us to condom distribution in our community.\u00a0She gave us information on HIV and AIDS and STIs and selected me as a Peer Educator for the community.\u00a0In those days there was a high prevalence of\u00a0STIs among the women. The implementation of this program made a huge difference in our lives. We learnt the importance of condoms and started using them. Initially Nirodh (a brand of condoms) was introduced by some clients, especially those who were married.\u00a0They were the ones who brought condoms but most of the unmarried men didn\u2019t know much or didn\u2019t carry condoms with them.<\/p>\n

Once I started to use condoms with clients, I felt good.\u00a0Some men were resistant but I would tell them about HIV and STI infections.\u00a0Even though many of them refused to use condoms at first, I would negotiate with them and require them to use it.<\/p>\n

Once, I felt that I was in love. I planned to run away with him and went up to Market Yard in Sangli. I stopped there for a while and thought about my family and my future.\u00a0I came back. A malak<\/i> is different from a client. With a malak,<\/i> we love each other mutually. And with clients, I work for money.\u00a0With a malak<\/i>, I go out to have fun.\u00a0I did this with clients too but my heart wasn\u2019t in it. And that\u2019s the difference between a malak<\/i> and a client.<\/p>\n

I wanted to have a baby with my malak<\/i>.\u00a0So that\u2019s why I had unprotected sex with him. I spent my free time during the days with my malak<\/i> and got pregnant.\u00a0During my pregnancy test I realized I was also HIV positive.\u00a0I was so upset.\u00a0I was so sad on that day and I cried a lot.\u00a0The community women and [Meena] madam counseled me. This happened four years ago.\u00a0It is through their support that I am alive today.<\/p>\n

I gave birth to a baby girl in the civil hospital via Cesarean.\u00a0I didn\u2019t know about her illness.\u00a0She was fine for two months. I stayed in the civil hospital for more than a month and a half, because of the operation during the delivery. My baby was so sweet. But after two months, I lost my baby.\u00a0I felt so sad.\u00a0I felt like it was all in vain that I suffered so much with the surgery and the pain. I had a child with great difficulty, and then I lost her.\u00a0Many people from SANGRAM and VAMP \u2013 Veshya Anyay Mukti Parishad \u2013 <\/i>the Collective of Sex workers Against Injustice \u00a0supported me socially and economically.<\/p>\n

I feel VAMP works for women like me.\u00a0I wanted to do the same work for others so I joined the peer educator work. I feel very good that I work for other women.\u00a0My work helps in building capacities of both myself and other people.<\/p>\n

When I found out I was HIV positive, I started convincing other sex workers to use condoms to protect themselves from STIs and HIV.\u00a0Initially, many of the women chose not to listen.\u00a0But I continued to meet with them and advocated for condom use. Now, they listen to me and believe me because I have a similar background.<\/p>\n

I am not convincing women to leave their dhanda<\/i>, because it is our livelihood.\u00a0I am only enforcing the use of condoms to save their lives.\u00a0I feel each and every woman in the community has the power to tackle any issue related to sex work.<\/p>\n

Whenever my hands are full of money I am happiest, and on festive days (holidays), when my family members are happy, when my health is good, these are the moments I am happiest in life.<\/p>\n

Today, I hope to live a healthy life and be wealthy forever*.<\/p>\n

* [Editor’s Note: Our heartfelt condolences\u00a0on the loss of Anita, who passed away on January 21, 2014]<\/em><\/p>\n

\u0907\u0938 \u0932\u0947\u0916 \u0915\u094b \u0939\u093f\u0902\u0926\u0940 \u092e\u0947\u0902 \u092a\u0922\u093c\u0928\u0947 \u0915\u0947 \u0932\u093f\u090f \u092f\u0939\u093e\u0901<\/a> \u0915\u094d\u0932\u093f\u0915 \u0915\u0930\u0947\u0902<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Introduction: As this first-person account of Anita, a Devadasi in Maharashtra, Western India illustrates, issues of consent and violence\/coercion cannot…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27,"featured_media":11437,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,104,6],"tags":[89,21,34,1550,1225],"class_list":{"0":"post-1499","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-categories","8":"category-consent-and-coercion","9":"category-theicolumn","10":"tag-assertion","11":"tag-rights","12":"tag-sex-work","13":"tag-sexual-abuse","14":"tag-transgender-rights"},"menu_order":0,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1499","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/27"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1499"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1499\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23053,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1499\/revisions\/23053"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11437"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1499"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1499"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1499"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}