Preeti Singh, a final year student of Chartered Accountancy. \u201cThe visibility of your disability somehow gives people the impression that there is nothing more to you,\u201d Singh says.<\/span><\/p>\n Contrary to perceptions, both Goyal and Singh assert that the presence of a tangible wheelchair does not affect the intangible sexual urges or desires of those who are physically disabled. If being aware of one\u2019s sexuality or the desire to be intimate with someone is considered to be intrinsically private for those who are not physically disabled, the same holds true for those who are physically disabled. \u201cI hit puberty at what would be considered to be a normal age,\u201d says Nipun Malhotra, CEO of Nipman Foundation that works in the areas of health, dignity and happiness for the physically disabled. Malhotra \u2014 born with Arthrogryposis, a congenital disorder where muscles in the arms and legs have not developed \u2014 is dependent on additional help for mobility. This dependence might have affected the physical expression of his wants but not his desires. \u201cI cannot be mobile without my attendants being by my side,\u201d he says, but adds, \u201cLike everyone I did watch porn in private when growing up.\u201d Singh too echoes Malhotra\u2019s words. \u201cMy desires are like any other 24-year-old girl. I have had crushes and sexual encounters,\u201d she says. \u201cI do not think there is any difference. It is just the social stigma that often makes one think like that,\u201d she asserts.<\/p>\n Contrary to perceptions, both Goyal and Singh (in photo) assert that the presence of a tangible wheelchair does not affect the intangible sexual urges or desires of those who are physically disabled.<\/span><\/p>\n This social stigma, referred to by Singh, that assumes that the physically disabled have no sexual agency is not only harboured by those who are physically able. It runs deep enough to make those, who are physically disabled, question their ability to be pleasur(e)- able. Although Goyal states that coming from a privileged background and being brought up by extremely understanding parents she did not need such validation, she admits this might not be the case for everybody. \u201cWhen they are constantly told that they are sexually inadequate they start internalising this misconception,\u201d she says. While admitting that there are constraints and one has to be careful, Singh emphasises on how ingrained the conditioning can be. Being involved with a physically abled person, at times serves as a validation, albeit as a nagging thought. \u201cIt ideally should not. Nobody is you doing a favour. But since the way we are conditioned, it sometimes seems to be the case,\u201d Singh says.<\/p>\n \u201cDisabled people are treated like children,\u201d says Nidhi Goyal, founder director of the NGO Rising Flame, a disability rights activist and comedian. This identification makes the non-disabled \u2014 a term Goyal prefers using \u2014 feel entitled to decide for them.<\/span><\/p>\n If being physically disabled places them in a disadvantageous position in the socially accepted power structure, their gender further robs them of their sexual agency. Goyal, who works with disabled boys and girls recollects how their prerequisites for a future partner differs. \u201cMany men with disabilities do not want disabled partners,\u201d she says, adding that \u201cdisabled men are seldom asked to compromise\u201d. Singh too recounts something similar. Two of her relatives \u2014 a cousin and uncle \u2014 suffer from polio. And while in the case of the cousin (female) the family searched only for a man who had some disability, it was not the case when her uncle got married. \u201cThen the consensus was if both are disabled then who will take care of him,\u201d she says. Malhotra too agrees. \u201cBeing a 30-year-old man who was born with Arthrogryposis I am definitely in a better position than a woman who also has a similar condition,\u201d he says. \u201cPhysically disabled women are more prone to sexual harassment and more often the attendants are male,\u201d he adds. Goyal (32), while agreeing with Malhotra, believes it also stems from women\u2019s lack of sexual agency, in general. \u201cWhere do women in India have sexual agency, physically disable or not?\u201d she asks.<\/p>\n Nipun Malhotra, CEO of Nipman Foundation works in areas of health, dignity and happiness for the physically disabled.\u00a0\u00a0He was born with Arthrogryposis, a congenital disorder where muscles in the arms and legs have not developed.<\/span><\/p>\n Romance in popular culture leaving a few exceptions is mainly able able-bodied romance. The little or no representation of physically disabled people and their desires almost misleads one into thinking it does not exist or worse, it is not possible. Goyal, Singh and Malhotra unanimously disagree. \u201cI do at times think that I am missing out on something but it is a premature judgement to make. There is a lot to explore,\u201d Singh says with a smile. Goyal, who uses humour as a tool to talk about sexuality and disability and often holds a mirror to the way it is perceived by those who are physically able, says that she is often asked, \u201cHow will you do it?\u201d The question has multiple connotations and none escape Goyal. \u201cDisability allows you to learn the other ways to look at yourself. Your body might be different but it is still your body. When you do not have something, you create,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n Nidhi Goyal, Founder Director, Rising Flame. She is a disability rights activist and a comedian.<\/span><\/p>\n (#GenderAnd is dedicated to the coverage of Gender across intersections.\u00a0<\/em>You can read our reportage\u00a0here<\/a>.<\/em>)<\/p>\n By\u00a0Ishita Sengupta,\u00a0<\/a>Senior Sub Editor<\/p>\n <\/p>\n![\"Disability](\"https:\/\/images.indianexpress.com\/2018\/02\/inset13.jpg\")
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