{"id":12789,"date":"2017-12-18T11:00:26","date_gmt":"2017-12-18T05:30:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak?p=12789"},"modified":"2019-03-22T22:06:39","modified_gmt":"2019-03-22T16:36:39","slug":"sexuality-sexual-freedom-need-discussed-beyond-violence-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/sexuality-sexual-freedom-need-discussed-beyond-violence-women\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Sexuality & Sexual Freedom Need To Be Discussed Beyond Violence Against Women"},"content":{"rendered":"

By\u00a0Shruti Arora<\/a>:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve never told this to anyone before, but I liked it when he kissed me. I wanted it, but I was always scared that if I say it to him, what would everyone think of me? And so, I could neither tell him nor anyone else, that I wanted it,<\/em>\u201d confessed a woman participant at one of\u00a0Nirantar<\/a>\u2019s Gender and Sexuality training sessions. In my moment of reflection I realise that when women talk about their desires, there\u2019s always a risk attached to it, risk of being seen as a \u2018bad\u2019 and \u2018characterless woman\u2019 with the potential of losing respect. This is how patriarchy has managed to maintain the social norms, by punishing those who flout them.<\/p>\n

The conflict within oneself of pursuing one\u2019s sexual desires or not outside a socially sanctioned relationship, the guilt of having pursued them beyond \u2018a limit\u2019, the regret of not having done so because of the fear of being tagged as a \u2018characterless\u2019 woman, deter women\u2019s choices and mental well-being in many invisible ways. If we work towards women\u2019s empowerment, we have to talk about their right to say \u2018no\u2019 to sex but also empower women on their right to say \u2018yes\u2019 to sex, guiltlessly.<\/p>\n

Patriarchy has taught women to be passive, in their sexual expression as well. In the trainings that Nirantar does on Gender and Sexuality, when we talk about the right to pleasure, we realize that most women are not familiar with the clitoris. The clitoris, is the most sensitive part in a woman\u2019s body and its sole purpose is of experiencing pleasure on stimulation without any fear of unwanted pregnancy and whether or not there is a partner. It is not talked about in books, in homes, in schools, or even in bed.<\/p>\n

Since discussion on sexuality either happens within the framework of sexual violence against women or when they are seen as \u2018perverts\u2019 and \u2018immoral\u2019 for expressing their desires, there are hardly spaces for women to talk about these desires and fantasies. Porn mostly caters to men\u2019s demand and is created with a male audience in mind. Isn\u2019t this statement influenced by patriarchal gender and sexual norms, implying that women aren\u2019t entitled to sexual exploration, that they don\u2019t have desires and so they cannot feel aroused watching porn?<\/p>\n

The conundrum of what a woman\u2019s \u2018yes\u2019 or \u2018no\u2019 means \u2013 as the famous saying also goes \u201caurat ki na mein hi haan chhupa hai<\/em>\u201d (the hidden meaning of a woman\u2019s \u2018no\u2019 is \u2018yes\u2019), whether it be about being in a relationship, about a kiss or about any other sexual act \u2013 may get resolved if women get the space to express their desires without worrying about the risks involved in how to consent, accepting a proposal, or approaching someone with a proposal. A question I want to pose is, if the centre of sexuality becomes sexual violence, in the media, in Sexuality Education curricula, in engaging with the law and the State, in our minds and in the discourse on sexuality, then wouldn\u2019t that mean that women must always be seen as victims, sufferers or survivors (without any sexual agency or autonomy) and men as oppressors?<\/p>\n

To subvert the patriarchal norm of oppressed and oppressor, talking about positive shades of women\u2019s sexuality, about desires, self-pleasure, about safer and pleasurable sex, about exploration and talking about affirmative sexuality, about \u2018yes\u2019 understood as \u2018yes\u2019, \u2018no\u2019 understood as \u2018no\u2019, \u2018I need time to think\u2019 not assumed as a yes or a no but that \u2018you need to wait\u2019 may help.<\/p>\n

About the author:\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Shruti works with Nirantar \u2013 A Centre for Gender and Education on the issues of Gender and Sexuality with a feminist understanding. She has created resource materials for Gender and Sexuality trainings; done perspective and capacity building trainings with staff members of organizations working on young people\u2019s rights and women\u2019s rights. She loves locating anecdotal narratives into feminist discourse.<\/em><\/p>\n

This article was originally published here<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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