I was six when<\/p>\n
the omnipresence of marriage<\/p>\n
wove itself into my life as<\/p>\n
a basic reality.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It became one<\/p>\n
of the constants<\/p>\n
of my life<\/p>\n
very simply \u2013<\/p>\n
an accepted<\/p>\n
Holy Grail<\/p>\n
of existence.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Stories I saw, read,<\/p>\n
ended with couples<\/p>\n
billing and cooing<\/p>\n
in matrimonial harmony.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Money at home<\/p>\n
rolled up and down<\/p>\n
and the food we ate and<\/p>\n
the clothes on our back<\/p>\n
rolled with it,<\/p>\n
but marriage \u2013 my grandparents\u2019<\/p>\n
ancient, beaten and cynical habit,<\/p>\n
my parents\u2019 baffling co-existence \u2013<\/p>\n
was constant.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And yet, it took me longer<\/p>\n
to see how marriage<\/p>\n
poured itself<\/p>\n
into every crevice in<\/p>\n
our home \u2013<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
to see marriage<\/p>\n
in the wrinkles around<\/p>\n
Amma\u2019s eyes,<\/p>\n
marriage in the piles and piles<\/p>\n
of neglected papers<\/p>\n
she brought home<\/p>\n
from work,<\/p>\n
marriage in the limp<\/p>\n
in her once-confident swagger,<\/p>\n
marriage in the mixture of smells<\/p>\n
that floated out of the kitchen<\/p>\n
while she learned to make<\/p>\n
bisibele anna<\/i><\/p>\n
And marriage in her soft sigh when<\/p>\n
Appa offers to drop her<\/p>\n
to work.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I began to see Marriage<\/p>\n
in Appa\u2019s weathered hands,<\/p>\n
smell Marriage<\/p>\n
in the tea he brewed<\/p>\n
for Amma before<\/p>\n
he woke her up<\/p>\n
hear Marriage<\/p>\n
in his tired snores<\/p>\n
punctuating the quiet of<\/p>\n
the night,<\/p>\n
see Marriage shining off<\/p>\n
his rapidly balding head.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I see Marriage in<\/p>\n
Ajji\u2019s gnarled<\/p>\n
toes, scrunched up from overuse,<\/p>\n
Marriage in the softness of her saree<\/p>\n
which Ajja would playfully<\/p>\n
wipe his hands on,<\/p>\n
tasted Marriage in the half-hearted<\/p>\n
sweetness of the<\/p>\n
payasam she made<\/p>\n
for my diabetic grandfather.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I see Marriage in<\/p>\n
the truncated length<\/p>\n
and absent words<\/p>\n
of the texts<\/p>\n
my happily-wedded friend<\/p>\n
barely manages<\/p>\n
to send to me.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I see Marriage shining<\/p>\n
in the eyes of<\/p>\n
countless Maushis<\/p>\n
and Kakus every time<\/p>\n
I tell them<\/p>\n
I have news.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I see Marriage in the many<\/p>\n
moulds put before me \u2013<\/p>\n
factory-refined, standardised<\/p>\n
iron brackets that I must bleed<\/p>\n
myself to fit into \u2013<\/p>\n
which rusted in the attic<\/p>\n
but were dusted off<\/p>\n
for me to<\/p>\n
settle down<\/p>\n
into.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I see Marriage in every<\/p>\n
definition of stability.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Marriage in every parent\u2019s list<\/p>\n
of Tasks To Complete Before Death.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Marriage in countless rose-tinted<\/p>\n
aspirations.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ironically,<\/p>\n
the only manifestation<\/p>\n
of marriage I have not yet seen<\/p>\n
is the only admissible physical proof<\/p>\n
of that esoteric contract.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I have never,<\/p>\n
ever<\/p>\n
seen<\/p>\n
A Marriage Certificate.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
That singular piece of paper<\/p>\n
marked by names<\/p>\n
that read nothing like<\/p>\n
mine,<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
which oozes colour and sweat<\/p>\n
and blood and tears<\/p>\n
into the<\/p>\n
fabric<\/p>\n
of my everyday existence,<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
is boxed up somewhere.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Sterile.<\/p>\n
Static.<\/p>\n
Ageless.<\/p>\n