Today, I\u2019d like to see a book on parenting and sexuality presenting the undiluted, non-prescriptive perspectives, observations and experiences of a diverse group of children, not adults, not parents. What kind of book would this be and what would it say about parenting and sexuality? I\u2019m pretty sure it would include voices such as are in this post<\/a> that went viral on social media. I absolutely love it. It\u2019s an exchange of messages between a 13-year-old girl who is on her own while looking for tampons in the mall, and her mother, who is elsewhere, trying to guide her. Here\u2019s a glimpse of the exchange:<\/p>\n Read the original Facebook post<\/a> by mom, Belinda Hankins (who also blogs at Ninja Poodles<\/a>). The comments to Belinda\u2019s post make a great read too.<\/p>\n These voices extend across the spectrum of bodies, and speak of products like jock straps as well. In an article about buying jockstraps for her son<\/a>, Anonymous speaks of the difficulties of decoding the size\/numbers on this product. They are like a cipher the uninitiated will never crack. She says that her conversation with her child went thus:<\/p>\n \u201cLet’s try the jockstrap since the brief isn’t working.”<\/p>\n “You want me to put that thing on my privates? How?”<\/p>\n “I don’t know, but I think we can figure this out.”<\/p>\n “Mom, I don’t think this is right.”<\/p>\n “Does everything fit in there? Is it covering everything?”<\/p>\n “Mom, my junk doesn’t fit.”<\/p>\n I Googled \u201cBuying boys\u2019 jock straps in India\u201d and realised the conversation doesn\u2019t happen here, at least not online. I got \u201cBuy Mens Sexy Underwear in India\u201d, and I even got \u201cSecond hand Men Sexy Underwear for sale on India’s largest auction and…\u201d. Well. Ouch.<\/p>\n As a society, in our platforms of exchange of goods, products and services, how are we approaching parenting, children or sexuality? Stores are clearly catering to the constructed parent and child. There\u2019s lots of toys, clothes, diapers, bedsheets and cute dangling, fluffy things to cluck at in stores catering to parent and child as a combination thali<\/em> (platter). The day I see personal and sexual hygiene products in a store catering to mom and a teenaged me, I will kick up my heels and bray.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s now go from tampons and jockstraps to diapers. Some parents sneak away when they smell a change due, waiting for the other parent or a hired caregiver to do the job. Some people take turns and put tally marks on a scoreboard for number of changes done. It\u2019s a bit of a stretch, for me, to think of changing diapers as a part of sexuality. But now here\u2019s some drama around changing diapers. In Arizona, when you change a diaper for your own baby, you could be convicted for child molestation<\/a>. I read this article and understood this \u2013 that until we approach sexuality with accuracy, wisdom and clear intent, we risk criminalising non-sexual activity and behaviour in the attempt to curb negative things such as sexual violence and sexual abuse.<\/p>\n In such a world, parents will no longer be allowed any intimate physical contact with their children just in case it\u2019s sexual. This may logically progress to bathing, breastfeeding, or post-potty botty washing. In the meantime, perhaps babies will learn to change their own diapers and wash their own botties as part of the natural process of evolution, which I am sure many parents will consider a great relief. We have to demystify the complexities of sexuality as well as parenting and not make life more complicated than it is for most of us on both fronts!<\/p>\n![\"Parenting](\"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Insert-image-2_Shikha-300x171.jpg\")
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