{"id":10070,"date":"2016-10-03T11:03:01","date_gmt":"2016-10-03T05:33:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak?p=10070"},"modified":"2018-08-29T12:30:25","modified_gmt":"2018-08-29T07:00:25","slug":"voices-sex-education-books-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tarshi.net\/inplainspeak\/voices-sex-education-books-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Making Sex-Ed for Parents Accessible: Let\u2019s Start With Our Bookstores"},"content":{"rendered":"

Two of the most prominent characteristics we share: being feminists and being book nerds, 24x7x365.<\/p>\n

Recently, looking for birthday gifts for nieces and nephews in a favourite, well-curated bookshop in Delhi, we were dismayed that we couldn\u2019t find any books that told the kinds of stories that we would like for kids today to read and hear \u2013 stories with strong female characters that break gender stereotypes, normalise diverse identities, undo the taboo around sex and sexuality, and are relevant to young Indian readers (books with more brown-skinned characters would be a good start).<\/p>\n

Like us growing up, many of you probably had to learn to \u2018see yourself\u2019 in stories not written with you in mind, and make the best of less-than-enlightened narratives. We know first-hand that kids can learn to read feminist ideas into mainstream stories if that\u2019s all they have \u2013 but doesn\u2019t the upcoming generation (finally) deserve better options? As Marley Dias, the innovative tween behind #1000BlackGirlBooks, points out: it gets old reading about \u201cwhite boys and their dogs<\/a>\u201d.<\/p>\n

Outside of gender-conscious circles, many parents remain unaware of the scant but growing collection of resources that could help them finally start \u2018the talk\u2019,[1]<\/a> and have an earnest conversation about gender, sexuality, and sex that also emphasises consent, pleasure, and desire.<\/p>\n

But were these resources available in the mainstream, would parents even buy them or feel comfortable using them as springboards for frank discussions with their kids?<\/p>\n

Since we don\u2019t have kids ourselves, we asked some actual parents about their experiences finding children\u2019s books that talk about gender, sex, and sexuality. Many of the responses confirm both the importance of these resources and difficulty locating them:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201c<\/em>No, I find it super hard to get my hands on this kind of books, especially those dealing with the topics the way I want to talk to her. In fact, the latest was a Ramayana written \u2018with the perspective of strong women\u2019 \u2013 I picked it up with such excitement! But then had to keep it down [because] they mentioned that Sita was a strong woman who ‘exercised choice’ when she ‘decided’ to come with Rama to the forest.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe order books online in case we’re looking for something specific that’s not available. Most of the feminist books we have are from abroad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013 Parent of a 6-year-old girl, Delhi<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s a rare sight to find these kinda books on shelves. These books will be of great help in spreading awareness among children. Books on issues such as those talking against gender disparity … self-assessment will be of great help.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013 Parent of a 2-year-old boy, Delhi<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy son is in college now but when he was in school, I never consciously made an effort to look for such a book, but having worked with [the] development sector and on these issues, I always spoke to my son and other kids in my family about gender and sexuality. I don’t think sexuality and gender are issues that parents normally talk about with children because the only thing that matters to them is studies\/good marks. Personally, I also feel that social class and education of the parents plays an important role in this even today!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013 Parent, Delhi<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"\"
Image from the Aga Khan Development Network<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

If it\u2019s important, why aren\u2019t parents demanding that these resources be more available in the mainstream? To be fair, most Indians who are now parents probably didn\u2019t get much help with these subjects from their own families and teachers, and might feel unprepared\/unsure of what they need if they were discouraged from asking questions about sex at a younger age.<\/p>\n

India has a \u2018chequered history\u2019 with education on sex and sexuality, to say the least. There is widespread disagreement about who is responsible for teaching it, the content of this education, and whether young people should get any guidance at all or just have to figure it out (but only after family-approved marriage, of course).<\/p>\n

On the rare occasion when schools even offer sex ed, it\u2019s often focused on harm reduction or promotes an abstinence-only approach using fear-mongering tactics and lessons on morality \u2013 and, as East India Comedy famously lampooned, manages to nearly avoid the topic of sex altogether.<\/p>\n