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CategoriesVoicesYoung People and Sexuality

Poems by Nhylar

1.

A Certain Type of Life 

since the age of 16

I idealised a certain type of life

involving certain type of women

who loved women

they were the kind of people

who looked perfectly content

stooped over a book and their lover

in a park on a beautiful Sunday morning

the kind of people who held hands in queues

the kind of people who’d meet each other’s gaze from across the room

the kind of people who’d casually waltz on the street during their pit stop on a road trip

the kind of people who loved fearlessly

I wondered what stood between my life and their life

and it’d hit me like a storm

these were women in the First World,

on the Internet

and I was a girl in the Third World

who was still in the closet.

2.

Lesbian Freedom 

She grew up fighting battles she didn’t choose

she grew up trying to stand on her feet again

she grew up trying to breathe above

all the stereotypes being thrown at her

pushing her into boxes,

Boxes labelled ‘tom boy’ or ‘lesbian’

No, she didn’t conform to society’s idea of femininity

yes, she chose to dress comfortably

yes, she kicked ass in football.

no, she didn’t like wearing too much makeup

but she was more than these labels.

She was meant to fly with her mighty wings

not alter her identity to fit in a box.

She dreamt of free-falling from mid-air

her wings swaying freely behind her.

She knew this was how she was supposed to feel: free.

She tried to chase this feeling

with college dudes and childhood buds

she tried to abide by heteronormativity

for her folks’ sake

thinking maybe she could mould herself into someone socially acceptable.

For years it worked

yet, she felt less and less authentic every day.

She built courage and strength through

self-defense art forms and giving back to the community

she learnt to be grateful for the path on which she truly belongs.

Here she is, rejecting every label, embracing her freedom

moulding herself like she is born again!

 3. 

Lesbian Movies

why are all lesbian movies the same?

they always start with the very different lives of two women

most likely a femme and a butch

and how they’re stuck in a state of oblivion

and how suddenly, their paths collide

bringing awareness to the existence

of sexual tension between them

which might be the result of a

straight girl’s curiosity to experiment

or perhaps a genuine connection

 

predictably building up to a steamy lovemaking scene,

pandering to the male gaze

and then there’s the inseparability,

a beautiful magnetism between them

until shit hits the fan and the

glass ceiling comes crashing down

in the form of parents, teachers, friends,

or heteronormativity in general

knocks on the door

 

somehow, they must drift apart

somehow, one of them passes away

somehow, they simply can’t be together.

for once I would like to see

two women riding off into the sunset

two women getting married

two women 50 years into the future

still together, still happy, still in love

lesbian movie endings make me wonder

if they even want us to have a happy ending

 4. 

Queer Renaissance

Excuse me while I shun your heteronormativity

because honestly

I’m tired of consuming content consciously

written by the straights

performed by the straights

created for the straights

oh-so-modestly

from fairy tales to cheesy rom-coms.

Can we acknowledge that it’s time to feed the queers?

Excuse me while I listen selectively

to my straight friends ranting about their boyfriends

because all my soul seeks is something that makes me feel seen

and someone who makes me feel heard.

Cue the queer renaissance.

Cover Image: Pixabay 

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Article written by:

Nhylar is a 24 year QPOC who currently resides in Toronto. She uses poetry as a creative outlet for her existential rage. She writes about queer representation, living away from home, intimacy and anything that intrigues her.

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