 |
 |
| Issue 2, 2009 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 1, 2009 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 3, 2008 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 2, 2008 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 1, 2008 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 4, 2007 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 3, 2007 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 2, 2007 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 1, 2007 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 4, 2006 |
|
 |
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 3, 2006 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 2, 2006 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 1, 2006 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
 |
| Issue 1, 2005 |
|
|
|
Download Pdf |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Issue 2, 2009
|
|
|
Issue In Focus
|
|
Fear and Loathing in Incest
A spate of reports in the media in the last few months,
of cases of incest coming to light, has sparked outrage
and fear among parents all over the country. Perhaps the
horrific story of the monster dad from Austria has added to
this fear…a fear that such madness exists in our children’s
world; a fear that children are not safe anywhere, not even
in their own homes; a fear that such monsters may live
inside of each one of us.
Incest is a nebulously defined, uncomfortably-fit-in offence
that is dealt with under the laws relating to rape (Section
375 of the IPC), sexual molestation of women (Section
354) and sodomy (Section 377). The Juvenile Justice
(Care and Protection of Children) Act, 2000 which one
hoped would deal effectively with child sexual abuse too
disappoints in this area.
The problem with incest is that its very definition makes
it an offence hard to expose, to investigate and to secure a
conviction for. Added to that is the inadequate awareness of
the prevalence of the crime and its consequences upon the
lives of children.
RAHI (Recovering and Healing from Incest) a Delhi based
NGO, in its findings1 describes incest very inclusively.
Here ‘incest’ or ‘child sexual abuse’ includes exploitative
sexual activity, whether or not it involves physical contact,
between a child and another person, who by virtue of
his power over the child due to age, strength, position,
or relationship used the child to meet his own sexual
and emotional needs. The act, though sexual in nature, is
also about the abuse of power and the betrayal of trust,
because the offender completely disregards the child’s own
developmental immaturity and inability to understand
sexual behaviour2.
As a survivor of incest, I felt a tremendous sense of
liberation when I came across this understanding. Growing
up, it seemed to me that all the victims of such crimes were
simply horrified children who had passively endured or
struggled against the acts of the adult.
RAHI explains how a child’s need for nurture, touch, care
and caressing are not the same as an adult’s sexual desires.
I had a father who was a successful surgeon and who was
very popular with his patients and friends. What many
could not see was that he had extremely low self-esteem
and was a chronic alcoholic.
His amiable face he saved for the outside world, but at home
he was sullen and withdrawn and played hardly any role in
my or my brother’s upbringing. It was after his first drink
that he was a changed man. He’d play music, tell stories,
want to dance, cook, call friends over and have us kids stay
up late with him.
It did make us a little uneasy, but it was also so thrilling to
be allowed to stay up late and be a part of the party that
happened every single night. As mood changes of insobriety
go, jocose would soon give way to bellicose, then morose
and finally comatose.
When I was eight years old and my brother was a year
younger, my mother had to go out of town for a week and
we kids were left at home with Dad in charge. Initially the
thrill and unease both escalated as we were allowed to stay
up as late as we wanted, chat and watch movies with him.
He also insisted we sleep in his room.
Then from the second night onwards, after my brother
fell asleep, there was more talk, more movies – this time
pornography, and touching and kissing. I’d pretend to be
asleep or would act as if I was not interested, but if I were
to think back, the emotion I felt the strongest would have
to be a sense of conflict.
This was the first time that I had received this much
attention from my father. He told me I was beautiful. He
asked if his touch excited me. I told him it didn’t but that
was not true; it did. And it shamed me too. I wanted it to
stop, but I loved the interest he was showing in me.
The movies disturbed me and I noticed that they seemed
to incite him further, but at the same time I was burning
with curiosity and would peek at the television screen from
under my blanket.
Somehow by the end of the week I just wanted to be a child
again and be clean. I knew everything would be okay again
once my mother returned. And she finally did.
I rushed to hug her, crying with relief and told her what
happened. Her reaction was not at all what I expected.
She was silent for a while, and then asked if I was sure all
that I was saying was true. She believed that I had a vivid
imagination and tended to exaggerate things.
I suppose I was hurt and shocked but those feelings were
clearly suppressed or forgotten. I do remember that I began
to wonder whether I did make this all up and decided that
maybe it was not so big a deal after all.
A few years later my mother had to move to another city
for two years to study and I insisted that I be allowed to
move into the boarding house at my school. I do not know
if it was my father or me that I did not trust.
We tried it for a year; my father would pick me up every
Friday and I’d spend the weekend at home with him and
our old nanny and return Sunday evenings. My brother was
not allowed home as often.
I do not know which I hated more: the return to boarding
school with a drunken father who would make passes at the
seniors in school, or the dread of going home to my room
whose door had no lock.
By then my feelings towards him were those of dislike. But
amazingly, my fear would turn into anger when he tottered
into my room at night. I’d shove him out and barricade the
door. I knew then that he was never ever going to touch
me again.
I found out several years later that he had molested several
other women, including my cousins, maids, friends and
patients. That knowledge at least convinced me that I had
not made up what happened to me.
What did bother me though was the attention I was starting
to attract. I was sociable, a performer and a natural leader.
I felt wretched inside each time I found myself singing or
speaking on stage or in front of the class. I hated myself
for being chosen prefect or captain, even as I loved being
one. As for boys, I was so sure they were only interested
in me because I was cheap and sluttish that I would never
respond, but I was secretly elated.
When I was fourteen I was molested by a friendly stranger
at the bus stop. I pulled away and ran home but could not
shake the feeling that I had somehow asked for that.
I was probably falling into what Dr Shekhar Sheshadri,
psychiatrist at the National Institute of Mental Health and
Neuro Sciences, Bangalore called the ‘the survivor’s cycle’3
which describes the violation of a sexually abused child’s
physical, emotional and mental state.
I was eighteen when I learnt that over 50 percent of children
in India have been sexually abused. More specifically, here
are some of the figures relating to Indian children in the age
group of 5-12 years4:
- 53.22% of children have faced one or more forms of
sexual abuse
- Andhra Pradesh, Assam, Bihar and Delhi reported the
highest percentage of sexual abuse among both boys
and girls
- 50% abuses are by persons known to the child or in a
position of trust and responsibility
- Most children do not report the matter to anyone
I think the first step in my healing process came with the
knowledge that I was not alone. I began to understand also
that I was simply not capable of giving consent, let alone
enticing the adults who committed the abuse into doing
what they did. The shame began to lessen.
My next step was to build my self esteem. I began analysing
my choices, making new ones that gave me control over my
life. I pursued spirituality and through it discovered how to
let go of the past and how to feel strong within myself.
I was able to look after my father while he was on his
deathbed without revulsion or hatred. I volunteered to do
this because I felt I had healed more than my mother or
brother who had to endure his alcoholism.
I realize that my journey has been long, I sometimes
still question if I’m reacting to a person in a particular
way because of any impact my father may have had on
me. I wonder if I still might have unresolved issues that
a professional might be able to recognize. But mostly, I
feel strong, peaceful, happy and grateful for the life I have
today.
Dr Shekhar Seshadri speaks of the Exit Cycle5 which allows
one to reclaim one’s life. These are steps to self-acceptance
and resolution of the consequences of sexual abuse in one’s
childhood. They include:
- Empowerment.
The sexual abuse was not my fault.
- Survival Skills.
I can be myself to myself and others.
- Clarity.
I can separate who I am from what I have thought and
felt about myself because of being abused.
- Self-awareness.
I value my thoughts and feelings. I can make mistakes,
learn new things, be flexible and appreciate myself.
- Self-acceptance.
I know, like and respect myself. I am strong and
able to learn and change. I deserve to be loved and
respected by others.
- Exit.
Exeunt. To quietly exult.
Today organisations like RAHI and Childline are doing much
to give a hearing to abused children or their caregivers who
have knowledge of this abuse and feel helpless in the face
of societal pressures.
Slowly state machinery too is waking up to the reality of
and the complications involved in cases of incest. In a recent
judgment of the Delhi High Court, Justice Murlidhar,
while dismissing the appeal of 54-year-old Tara Dutt, who
was convicted of committing digital rape on a five-year-old
relative in 1996 expressed concern at the absence of
stricter laws to deal with sexual abuse of children.
He also made reference to the Law Commission’s report
on sexual abuse, whose recommendations were lying
unheeded by the law makers of the country.
In its report of March 20006, the Law Commission focused
on the need to review the rape laws in the light of increased
incidents of sexual abuse against minors. It suggested that
rather than a focus on the physiological aspects of sexual
abuse in defining the offence, the lasting psychological
damage to the child ought to be considered and stringent
provisions created to prevent such crimes.
Both at the macro and individual level change has to come
from the outside as well as from within. Awareness will
lead to a change in perceptions both by survivors and by
society. But reform of social and legal support systems is
crucial if these changes are to become meaningful.
Dealing with Sexual Abuse – Guidelines to teach
children - Remember that your body is yours
- No one (including your parents, relatives, teachers
and doctor) should touch you in a way that makes
you feel uncomfortable
- Just say NO and GO
- Walk away and tell an adult you trust about what
happened
- If that person does not listen or does not take action,
tell another adult until you get help
- Do not be afraid to ask for help
- Share your emotions with a counsellor or support
group (http://www.rahifoundation.org/)
- You can also call Childline 1098 for help and counsel
1 Ashwini Ailawadi (ed.) Voices from the Silent Zone: Women’s
Experiences of Incest and Childhood Sexual Abuse. RAHI, New
Delhi, 1998
2 Maharukh Adenwalla. Child Sexual Abuse. Indian Centre for
Human Rights and Law, Mumbai, 2000
3 Pinki Virani. Bitter Chocolate. Penguin Books, 2000, p. 64
4 Ministry of Women and Child Development. Study on Child
Abuse: India 2007, http://wcd.nic.in/childabuse.pdf
5 Pinki Virani. Bitter Chocolate. Penguin Books, 2000, p. 199
6 Law Commission of India. 172nd Report on Review of Rape
Laws. March, 2000, http://lawcommissionofindia.nic.in/
rapelaws.htm |
|
|
|
